PART 2

There was a pall over the Q-bureau when Lee returned the following week. Though all appeared to be in order, reports finished, plants watered, office meticulously ordered, it felt like someone had died. All Amanda's personal items were gone, and the air was stale, the result of the office being closed up for several days. Lee slammed the door and sat down in a huff.

"Get a grip, Stetson," he muttered aloud, to himself, as he worked his hand through his hair, "She isn't dead, she's just…gone." His voice trailed off sadly. Lee spent the rest of the morning pacing the office, trying to figure out how to get his life back in order.

"Ok, first things first," he said, again to no one. "Simplify the problem." He rubbed his hand over chin, "No more thinking of marriage to Leslie until I figure things out."

Lee returned the ring to the jewelry store later that week. Having several thousand dollars back on his charge account balance gave him one less thing to worry about. Leaving the store, a rush of fresh air filled his lungs and he felt the knot in his stomach loosen for the first time in weeks.

He took his second step back from the brink.

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Lee decided that next, he had to talk to Amanda. That was it, talking to Amanda always calmed him and helped him think. He would just talk to her and…. "And what Stetson? And everything will be all right?" he yelled to himself, sarcastically mocking the things he might say to Amanda. "Terribly sorry you fell in love with me, but there's no way I'm going to date a woman with two kids". That wouldn't help things much! He tried again, "I really love you, too, that's why I've been sleeping with another woman?" He banged his head with his hand in frustration. Oh, this was such a mess! He had managed to bring his life to the very brink of disaster. He had driven away his partner and closest friend and possibly the one woman who truly loved him.

Lee was at a loss to explain how confused his feelings had been lately. Everything he thought to say just made things worse. There were a million logical reasons he had not pursued a romantic relationship with Amanda; the kids, her mother, their jobs, but when he tried to explain them to himself, they sounded insulting and hurtful. His stomach, again, tightened into a knot. If he couldn't explain this to himself, how would it sound to Amanda?

Lee drove to Amanda's house hoping he would find something, anything, to say to her when he got there. He pulled his car over twice on the way to Arlington.

Damn stomach bug!

He drove slowly down Maplewood Avenue, towards her house. Tomorrow was trash day; maybe he would see her bringing the trashcans to the curb. Maybe he would stop to help her. Maybe Amanda would talk to him outside on the sidewalk. He drove past the house, slowly. Lee saw Phillip carrying out the trash. Lee noticed that it was nearly the boy's bedtime, and Amanda's car was not yet in the drive. He drove home, disappointed that he had not seen Amanda's smiling face, nor heard her sweet laughing voice. But, he was also relieved that he didn't have to explain himself just yet. Maybe tomorrow he would find the right words.

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That night, Amanda fell into a sound sleep, her first since she had learned that Lee was seeing someone new. Her new job was mentally and physically challenging, and she found it enjoyable. She also found it more exciting than she'd expected. After their talk, Billy had agreed to help her find an appropriate position and had made some calls. Much as he wanted her to stay at the Agency, he understood her reasons for wanting to leave.

He knew she needed something challenging, something requiring enough mental energy to keep her mind off Lee, and enough physical exertion to wear her out. Of course, it had to be something that would allow her time for her family life. Paul Barnes was the one who finally returned Billy's call. He had the perfect idea.

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Lee's plan called for him to talk to Billy next. He really wanted to know where Amanda was working. He knew he would feel better if he knew where she was and what she was doing. Maybe it would be easier for him to see her at her office, rather than at home. At Amanda's office he wouldn't have to avoid her family, and they could talk in a less personal atmosphere.

"Sorry, Scarecrow, it's `Need to Know' and that's that. Didn't she tell you not to worry?" Billy asked scrutinizing Lee with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah, but when Amanda says not to worry, it's a perfect time to start worrying." Lee replied starting to pace. He didn't feel reassured, not one bit.

"Well, Paul wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't appropriate for Amanda." Billy intentionally let that information slip, a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

"Paul Barnes?" Lee stopped, aghast. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Lee, Paul's retired, not dead." Billy laughed. "He still has lots of contacts."

"That's what I'm worried about," Lee grumbled. "Anything Paul's got her involved with has to be bad news! I know what kind of friends he has, I'm one of them, remember?"

He dropped into a chair and ran his fingers through his hair, then began drumming them nervously on the chair's arm. What if Amanda was working on something with Paul? It could be truly dangerous.

Or worse, what if things were more…personal? Paul Barnes was a longtime playboy, and not the kind of man Amanda should be involved with. Paul and Lee had competed for women in their younger days, reminding each other that their friendship was no impediment to a relationship with a woman. Like pigeons tussling over a French fry, they would try to outdo each other to gain the woman's affections.

Usually, they both tired of the game, and the woman, at the same time. Lee's blood began to boil with anger at the thought of Amanda being the object of this type of attention. He also felt a deep pang of jealousy that he could not completely understand. He had to find out exactly what Amanda had gotten herself into.

In his rush back to the Q-bureau to call Paul, Lee completely forgot his flight to New York, and how he had arranged to spend the weekend with Leslie.

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Amanda spent the first weeks of her new job in training. There was a lot of training; more formal training than she had received in all of her time at the Agency. Her training comprised lessons in small arms, automatic weapons, psychology, aircraft design and procedures, and team building. She, and the other five recruits she was grouped with, would work closely together as a team once training was complete.

It was physically strenuous and mentally taxing. It required nearly all of her mental focus. That was exactly what she wanted; she wanted as little time as possible to think about Lee Stetson. But when she slept, he continued to invade her dreams.

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"Leslie, I'm sorry about this weekend." Lee tried frantically to apologize. "Something came up at work. Are you still coming to DC next weekend? Please? I'll make it up to you. Really."

He knew he stood neck deep in hot water with Leslie. He had forgotten about their weekend and it was late in the evening when he finally called her. She'd waited for him at the airport for hours, and finally left to return home, angry when she learned that he wasn't on the flight.

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After hours of phone calls, Lee had, at last, tracked down Paul Barnes in London. Lee paced the floor the entire time, while waiting to get a hold of Paul. After they finally spoke, Lee felt worse than he had before. Paul was relaxed and happy, like a man on top of the world. Paul, having spoken to Billy, knew the entire story. He couldn't resist having some fun at Lee's expense.

"Amanda King? About 5 feet 10 inches tall? Brunette, with a smile that just won't quit? Hell, yes, I remember her," he laughed, "No, I can't tell you what she's doing. It's `Need to Know.' My best advice to you is to make sure your one of those who needs to know, if you get my drift." Paul enjoyed pulling Lee's chain; their relationship had always had that 'one-up' quality. "By the way, if she makes it to London anytime soon, you don't mind if I show her a good time, do you, buddy? I mean, we're friends, we can share, right?" Paul said.

A strangled gasp was Lee's only response.

In addition to the training, there were drills. The team repeatedly worked through every possibility they might encounter in the field until their responses became instinctive.

The weapons' training was difficult for Amanda. In this job, proficiency with firearms was a firm requirement. The hardest part was training to shoot a human being. Oh, it was unlikely she would ever have to, but she had to be ready to do what needed to be done, without any hesitation.

She prepared herself by drawing strength from the icy coldness that gripped her heart. The creeping chill she felt whenever she thought about Lee helped her maintain her focus. Toward the end of their work relationship, Lee hadn't treated her as either a partner or as a woman, but more like his servant or errand girl. Now, she was an equal, a part of a team, and she was determined not to fail. At work, she forced all thoughts out of her head, except those concerning her job. She forgot Lee, her mother, her sons, even her own fear of death. If she needed to, she could do what had to be done.

**********************************************************************

Lee continued to see Leslie every other weekend. She was as beautiful and exciting as ever, but Lee's stomach continued to act up. He was losing weight; he could hardly keep anything down. Weekends were the worst for his stomach trouble. It seemed like whenever they made love he had to excuse himself to throw up.

Damn stomach bug!

In the weeks that followed, Lee tried to summon up the courage to talk to Amanda. He drove aimlessly around Arlington for hours at a time, but could never bring himself to stop at her house. He called her several times a day just to listen to her voice on the answering machine. Whenever she actually answered, he hung up. He rehearsed what he might say in order to persuade her to come back to the Agency, back to him. He needed her desperately. He had gone through six office assistants in nine weeks. None would stay long in the Q-bureau because of his rude and erratic behavior. Refusing to have any partner in the field, he insisted, again, on working alone.

He had reverted to the `old' Scarecrow, the Scarecrow he had been before he met Amanda King.

Lee decided that shuttling back and forth to New York to see Leslie, extracted too large a toll on his health. His bouts of stomach distress continued every weekend that he planned with Leslie. It was hardly worthwhile to go all the way to New York to be sick. It was easier to stay home and, when he did stay home, he found he didn't get sick. Besides, Leslie's patience with him was wearing thin. She had been expecting a ring for weeks, and when it wasn't forthcoming, she became irritable and edgy. Maybe he could get some rest if he just stayed in DC… alone… for a while.

Lee finally told Leslie that they were finished, that he wouldn't be coming up to New York again.

Now, he could devote more thought to his problem with Amanda. He no longer had to worry about maintaining a relationship with Leslie. Now, he was free to haunt Amanda's house. Now, he would find out what was going on.

He took his third step back from the brink.