**DISCLAIMER** Scarecrow & Mrs. King is copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot The Moon Production Company. The story however, is copyrighted to the author. This story is for entertainment purposes only and cannot be redistributed without the permission of the author.

AUTHOR: Terry Orlando

DATE WRITTEN: April 30, 1999

SYNOPSIS: When tragedy strikes and all secrets are revealed, will Lee and Amanda’s love be enough to keep them together.

SHATTERED DREAMS

Amanda sat at her desk, engrossed in the file before her. Lee sat across from her at his own desk, a pile of papers in front of him, watching her and smiling. After a few moments, Amanda, feeling his gaze upon her, looked up and suppressed a laugh.

"Will you stop staring at me...gosh." The corners of her mouth turned up slightly, and Lee’s grin widened.

"I can’t help it! I just can’t stop thinking about it." Lee stood, walked toward her and sat on the edge of her desk.

"How can you put it out of your head and concentrate on work, or anything for that matter? I mean, it’s all I can think about and here you are acting like it’s no big deal. How do you do that?

Amanda chuckled, shaking her head and lowered her eyes to the file again.

"Amanda!" He playfully took the file from her.

"Lee! Look, the world hasn’t come to a stop. Terrorists are still threatening innocent people, spies are still spying and Billy still wants that vault organized...which means we still have to work."

"I know, but..." Lee leaned in closer and lowered his voice, "...we’re going to have a baby."

Lee’s boyish grin and his inability to contain his excitement was too much for her. She broke into laughter as she released some of her own hidden happiness. When her laughter subsided Amanda rose and walked around her desk until she stood in front of him. His face became slightly more serious although his eyes still held their sparkle.

Amanda stood before him with her arms crossed. "I know we’re going to have a baby. I’m the one who told you, remember." She stepped closer to him and placed her hands on his chest.

"I know you’re excited about this, Sweetheart and, believe me, I am too. The only thing that would make me happier than having your baby would be to give you a son."

With this, Lee’s eyes lit up. He took her hands in his and stood up, smiling down at her. She returned the smile and reached up to kiss him softly on the lips. Lee released her hands and wrapped his arms around her. She held him close as she laid her head on his shoulder. After a while Amanda broke the embrace and clasped his hands again.

"All I’m saying is, you need to try and calm down and stop beaming all over the place or the rumor mill will have a field day."

"I know, I know, but you’re not being fair. You’ve had more time to adjust than I have. And, besides, what do we care about rumors now? I mean, it’s not like we can keep this a secret for long. I think we should just walk into the bullpen arm and arm and make an announcement."

She knew he was joking, but could hear the underlying seriousness in his tone.

"Oh you do, do you? And have you forgotten that nobody knows we’re married?"

"Of course not. We’ll just make it one big announcement. I’ll wager it will only cause a few people to faint."

"Just like that, huh?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeeesss," he sang.

"Noooo," she sang back.

"Lee, it’s just not that easy and you know it," she stepped away from him and sat on the couch, motioning him to join her.

"It’s not just a matter of telling people here at the Agency. We have my family to deal with as well. And don’t forget about your uncle."

"I know," he sighed, lowering his head.

Amanda draped her arm across his shoulders and chose her words carefully. "It’s early yet. It’s always best to wait until after the first trimester before you tell anyone. That way..."

Lee looked up at her with concern, "Is something wr...."

"Everything is fine," she cut him off. "I feel fine, I’m in good health, I just saw the doctor and he said everything was fine. It’s just...I think it’s best to wait."

Lee’s expression did not change and Amanda silently cursed herself for not being more convincing. She gave him her best smile - the one that says everything is all right and nothing in the world could touch them - and that did have an affect on him. He returned a half smile and Amanda gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"We’re going to have a baby," she said. "I’m just being cautious. You know how I am."

With that, Lee’s smile spread across his face and the gleam returned to his eyes.

"I love you, you know."

"I know. I love you, too," she said as she hugged him. "Now, let’s get back to work and we can talk all about the baby tonight...I promise."

Lee chuckled as he walked back to his desk and sat down. He resigned himself to actually trying to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him but, as Amanda resumed her work, he couldn’t help looking up at her and smiling every so often.

As promised, Lee and Amanda spent the night at his apartment - discussing the baby, their plans for revealing their secrets, their future - carving out their dreams together.

Several weeks later, Lee and Amanda sat next to each other at the conference table at the Agency waiting for the weekly staff meeting to begin.

With plans made and the date for their big announcement to be made set, Lee was somewhat calmer. However, the knowledge of their secret marriage and the product of their love growing within Amanda caused them both to let down their guard slightly.

Their exchanged glances, the whispering and soft laughter and the closeness they shared in recent weeks did not go unnoticed by Billy or Francine. In fact, Francine was taken aback one day when she saw them leaving the Q Bureau, walking boldly hand in hand, talking and laughing. Of course, they hadn’t noticed Francine standing there - still, it seemed unusually open behavior and she couldn’t help commenting to Billy in his office the next day.

"So, what’s up with our resident secret lovers?" Francine asked in her usual flippant manner.

Billy looked up as Francine sat down in the chair across from his desk. "What are you talking about, Francine?"

"Oh come, now, Billy. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed Lee and Amanda cooing and practically falling all over each other these past few weeks. I even saw them blatantly holding hands as they were leaving here last night. They’re suddenly acting as if they are the only two people in the world."

Billy smiled inwardly. In fact, he had noticed the change in their demeanor, but said nothing. Although it might not seem very professional to have two of his agents paying such close, personal attention to one another, it just somehow seemed natural. He saw the spark between them the first time he saw them together, even though it took them an eternity to discover it for themselves. He watched them both change for the better over the years.

Especially Lee. He waited a long time for the right woman to come along and get him under control, and Amanda was definitely that woman. They complimented each other. They belonged together and, if they were as much in love as he suspected, he could overlook their occasional modest displays of affection. They both had pretty tough pasts - they deserved a little happiness.

"Billy?" Francine asked, slightly irritated.

He was shaken from his reverie, "Huh? Oh...umm...no, Francine. I haven’t noticed a thing. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so busy. You know...working."

"Humph!" Francine stood and marched out of his office. She could hear Billy’s husky laughter as she closed the door.

Francine sat across from Lee and Amanda who, seemingly oblivious to those around them, were smiling and whispering. To everyone else in the room they appeared to be simply having a quiet conversation but, to Francine, they were acting like lovesick teenagers. She was about to comment when she dropped the pen she had been twirling between her fingers. As she knelt to retrieve it she happened to glance over to see Lee’s and Amanda’s hands clasped firmly together under the table. ‘So juvenile’ she thought.

Just then, the door to the conference room opened and Billy stepped inside.

"Good morning," he said, gruffly.

A round of ‘good mornings’ could be heard throughout the room. Billy looked up to see Lee and Amanda, still involved in their conversation and he had to force himself not to smile.

"Am I interrupting you two?"

They both looked up and muttered their apologies, and the meeting began.

Halfway through the meeting, there was a buzz from the intercom. Billy walked over to the phone and picked it up....

***************************

"Yes!" Billy barked into the phone, then listened.

"Well, she’ll have to call them back. We’re right in the middle of..." again he listened.

"All right," he was slightly irritated. "Put her through."

Billy punched a button on the phone and, cradling the receiver in his hand, turned to Amanda.

"Amanda, your mother. Line one."

Amanda’s face flushed slightly as she got up and walked toward him. She muttered an apology as she took the receiver from his hand and walked around behind him to take the call. Billy resumed his discussion, but the one-sided conversation taking place behind him could be overheard by all.

"Mother, I’m in a meeting, can I call....Mother, slow down...I can’t understand a word you’re..."

Billy’s words were lost on Lee - he was more interested in what was going on with Amanda. He watched as her eyes widened and all the color suddenly drained from her face.

"What!?" she gasped. The room fell silent and all eyes were on her.

"Oh my God! I’ll be right there!"

Amanda hung up the phone and Lee was already making his way across the room toward her as she was walking passed Billy, visibly shaken.

"Sir, I have to leave..."

"Amanda, what is it?" Billy and Lee asked in unison.

Amanda looked at Lee, a fear in her eyes the likes of which he had never seen before.

"Jamie was hit by a car. I have to go to the hospital." she choked out and ran out the door.

Lee said nothing, but gave Billy a pleading look.

"Go," was all Billy could manage.

Lee was out the door in a flash and ran to catch up with Amanda, leaving behind a room full of stunned agents.

The drive to the hospital seemed eternal. Lee drove while Amanda sat in silence. He glanced at her every once in a while. She was trying to be strong, but he could see the tears welling in her eyes, her hands shaking uncontrollably. He felt himself shaking as well and he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if it was just sympathy for her or because he had grown so close to her boys in the past several months. ‘Is this what it feels like to be a parent when your child is sick or hurt’ he wondered. Nevertheless, he could not let her see that he was quite shaken too. He reached for her hand and broke the deafening silence.

"Hey, let’s try to stay calm, O.K. We don’t know how serious it is."

"He was hit by a car, Lee!"

"I know...but, that doesn’t necessarily mean he was seriously injured. When I was a kid a friend of mine got hit by a car and he came away with just a broken leg. I mean, we don’t know where Jamie was at, how fast the car was going..."

"Lee, I know you’re trying to comfort me and I appreciate that but, could you just not talk. Just drive, please. Just get me to the hospital."

"I...I’m sorry, I..."

"No...no, don’t be. You’re probably right. He’s probably just banged up a little."

"Thank you for being with me," she said, squeezing his hand.

"Where else would I be?"

At the hospital Dottie West and her oldest grandson, Philip sat impatiently in the waiting room. They both jumped up the second Amanda and Lee walked in. Amanda rushed toward them, rattling off questions.

"Mother, how is he...what happened...where is he..."

Dottie, who was trying desperately to get a word in, grabbed her daughter by the shoulders.

"Amanda!" she practically shouted. "Come sit down and I’ll tell you what I know."

Lee placed his hand in the small of Amanda’s back and lead her to a chair, then sat beside her. Dottie and Philip joined them and Lee and Amanda sat on the edge of their chairs, listening to Dottie as she told them that Jamie was on his way to a friend’s house. He was riding his bike in the crosswalk and a car ran the stop sign. The doctors were still with him and there was no word on how extensive his injuries were.

Amanda allowed 15 minutes to go by before she was at the nurses’ station questioning the petite woman behind the desk.

"Excuse me. Can you please tell me what’s happening with my son?"

"What is your son’s name, ma’am?"

"King. Jaime King. He was brought in by ambulance. He was hit by a car."

The nurse typed into the computer in front of her and stared at the screen a moment.

"I’m sorry, Mrs. King. I don’t have any information. I can put a call into the trauma room and see if I can find something out for you."

"Yes, please do." Amanda was still shaking inside, but she tried to remain calm and polite.

"I may have to wait for a call back. If you’ll just have a seat in the waiting room I will let you know as soon as I have information for you."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

More than 20 agonizing minutes passed before the nurse came into the waiting room to let Amanda know that doctors were still working with Jamie, but she had no other information. She bit her lower lip and clenched her fists trying to keep her nerves from unraveling. After an hour of Philip asking, ‘when are they going to tell us something’ every so often and Lee’s incessant pacing, Amanda lost her cool.

"Lee! Will you please stop that! You’re driving me crazy! Just sit down, or go somewhere else..."

Lee went to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, "I’m sorry..."

Amanda pushed his arms from her, "Oh, this is ridiculous!"

She stormed over to the nurses’ station, with Lee close behind. The same nurse as before stood behind the desk. She looked up to see Amanda coming and knew she was in for a confrontation.

"What is going on with my son?!" demanded Amanda, slamming her fist on the desk.

"I’m sorry, ma’am. I haven’t heard anything." The nurse took a step back.

"Well, you’d better find out something fast, because I have used up all my patience sitting in that damn waiting room! Get on the phone and call whoever it is you have to call or go into that trauma room and...never mind, I’ll find out myself!"

Lee, who was standing behind Amanda, was stunned. He knew she had a temper in there somewhere, but this was the first time he had ever seen her lash out like that, to a total stranger no less. He was snapped out of it by the realization that Amanda was headed toward the trauma room doors. He knew that, after so much time had gone by without a word, it was quite possible that Jaime was in bad shape. He couldn’t let her go in there. He caught her by the arms, just as the nurse was telling her she was ‘not allowed in there’, and turned her to face him.

"Let go of me, Lee!"

"Amanda!"

"I have to see Jaime! I have to know if he’s all right..." she struggled to free herself and he tightened his grip.

"Amanda!" Lee shouted, shaking her this time.

She stopped struggling and looked up at him. her lower lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

"I can’t...can’t wait anymore, Lee. I...I have to know."

Amanda leaned toward him and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She laid her head against his chest and softly cried while he held her. Dottie and Philip heard the commotion and walked up from behind. Philip placed a hand on his mother’s back.

"Mom, Jamie’s gonna be O.K. You’ll see," he tried to comfort her.

Dottie put one hand on Lee’s shoulder and the other on Amanda’s.

"I know the waiting is hard Honey, but the doctors will tell us something as soon as they can. Come on and sit down."

Amanda regained her composure, but she leaned against Lee as he put his arm around her and lead her back to the waiting room.

Back in the waiting room, Dottie asked, "Would you like me to call Joe?"

Lee instinctively opened his mouth to protest, but was able to stop himself. ‘Of course Joe should be here. Jaime is his son after all,’ he told himself.

A few minutes after Dottie came back from calling Joe, the doctor walked into the waiting room.

"Mrs. King?" he asked as Amanda jumped to her feet.

"Yes."

"I’m Dr. Slausen," he said, offering a hand for her to shake. "Why don’t you have a seat?"

"I’ll stand thank you, how is my son?" Amanda was in no mood for formalities.

"Mrs. King, Jaime has sustained serious injuries to his kidneys. We have him stabilized, but he’s bleeding internally and he needs surgery...now. We won’t know how badly the kidneys are damaged until we get inside. I’ll have the nurse..."

That was the last coherent thing Amanda heard. The room spun out of control and she fainted, Lee catching her before she hit the floor.

*****************************

Amanda was falling...falling...falling...

"Amanda?" She could hear Lee’s voice in the distance.

Falling...

"Amanda. Wake up, honey."

Her eyes fluttered open. Lee was standing over her, holding her hand. She could feel the softness of the bed beneath her.

"It was just a dream," she said, still in a daze. "A horrible, horrible dream."

"Amanda, do you know where you are?" Lee asked softly, a pained expression on his face.

She slowly took in her surroundings. She was not home in bed. She was in the emergency room.

"It wasn’t a dream was it?" She was still too groggy to sit up.

"I wish I could tell you it was," he said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Jamie!" Amanda sat up quickly - much too quickly. The room began to spin and nausea overtook her.

"Hey, take it easy," Lee said, trying to ease her back down.

She struggled against him. "I don’t feel so good."

"No kidding. You’re as white as a sheet."

"No, I mean I really don’t feel...I...I’m going to be sick."

Lee grabbed an emisis basin from the tray beside the bed and handed it to her just in time. He stood behind her, a little uneasy. If it was anybody else...another time...another situation, maybe - he probably would have turned tail and ran or even tossed his cookies right along with her. But, this was Amanda...and Amanda needed him...and she needed him to be strong.

When her heaving subsided, he handed her a small box of tissue he had retrieved from the tray. She took a few tissues from the box, not looking up at him. At this time a nurse walked in.

"Well, I see you’re not feeling much better," she said as she took in the scene before her.

"Why don’t I take this," she offered, taking the basin from Amanda and whisking it out of the room.

Lee gently rubbed Amanda’s neck and shoulders, then helped her to lie back down. He could feel her trembling all over.

"I’m sorry," she whispered, hoarsely.

He knew she was a little embarrassed - she’d never gotten ‘sick’ in front of him. No comforting words came to mind, so he just kissed her forehead and told her he loved her with his eyes. Lee told Amanda that Jaime had been in surgery for about a half hour and it would be a while before they heard anything. Also, Joe arrived a short while ago and was in the waiting room with her mother and Philip. After a while, Amanda was feeling well enough to sit up so he helped her to the edge of the bed. Soon after, she gingerly stood up, steadying herself by holding on to his arm. In the meantime, the nurse returned only to be shooed away by Amanda.

"I need to be with my family," she told the nurse.

"Amanda, you need to take care of yourself," Lee said after the nurse left.

"I’m feeling much better now. Really. I know you’re worried about the baby..."

"Not just the baby. I’m worried about you...and Jamie. And, you know, you’re not going to do him much good lying in a hospital bed next to him."

"I know, but I really am feeling better, and I want to go back to the waiting room."

Lee reluctantly agreed and allowed her to lean on him for support as they slowly made their way to her family. As they walked into the waiting room Joe rushed to embrace Amanda. Lee stepped back uncomfortably as she returned the gesture. He always felt uneasy when he saw them together. He hated that they still had special feelings for each other. He recalled that night when she had told him that she loved Joe, that she was always going to love him. The memory tugged at his heart. It was that special bond they shared. Philip and Jamie.

‘Jamie,’ he thought. ‘God, what am I doing. Amanda’s going through the worse time in her life and I’m standing her feeling jealous like an idiot! Besides, she had finished that sentence with the fact that she was in love with me.’

The next couple of hours were spent watching the clock and waiting. Amanda sat between Dottie and Joe, with Philip on the opposite side of his father. Other than making a few coffee runs, Lee was feeling pretty useless. He had settled himself in a chair opposite them, facing the entrance. Watching Amanda with her family, huddled close and talking softly, he began to feel awkward and out of place.

‘What am I doing here?’ he asked himself. ‘Jamie is Amanda’s and Joe’s son. I don’t belong here.’ A battle between his heart and mind raged relentlessly. His heart told him he belonged with his wife; that she needed him - for her sake and for the sake of his stepson and their unborn child.

His mind continuously tried to poison his heart with selfish thoughts, like the fact that he was forced to take a back seat to Joe. He couldn’t help wondering if their’s was a normal marriage, would Amanda feel more comfortable about leaning on him or would she still seek comfort from Jamie’s father. Before his heart and mind could fight for the right to answer, a doctor walked in.

Everyone stood and Lee moved closer to Amanda. The doctor introduced himself and explained that he was the surgeon who operated on Jamie. His face was grim and he spoke in low, even tones. Jamie had sustained very serious injuries. They were able to stop the bleeding, but his kidneys were badly damaged. They were barely functioning. There was nothing to do now but wait. He was in recovery and they would be able to see him as soon as he was moved to a room.

Amanda looked like she had been punched in the stomach and Lee was afraid she would faint again. He reached around her waist to steady her only to collide with Joe’s arm coming from the other side. The two men looked at one another. ‘Did he just give me a dirty look’ thought Lee. He shook his head; he was imagining things. His heart sank when, to his dismay, Amanda leaned into Joe and laid her head on his shoulder. Lee had to fight the urge to pull her away from him.

While this was going on, Billy and Francine had just finished talking to the woman at the nurses’ station and turned to the direction of the waiting room.

"This doesn’t look good," Francine commented as she eyed the scene.

"Yeah," Billy agreed. "Look, I’m gonna hang back. I don’t want to take a chance on Mrs. West recognizing me from that ‘Stemwinder’ ordeal last year. Amanda’s got enough to deal with."

Francine gave him a nod and headed toward the room. Out of the corner of his eye, Lee saw her walking toward them. He excused himself and met her halfway in the corridor. He told her of Jamie’s condition and she seemed genuinely concerned. They talked a bit more about Jamie and how the family was holding up, then Francine blind-sided him.

"Lee, I know Amanda’s your partner and everything, but Billy still wants you in that meeting tomorrow."

Lee was shocked. How could Billy even suggest that he leave Amanda at a time like this?

"He’s here."

"What?" Lee said, shaking his head.

"Billy. He’s here," she repeated, motioning to where Billy stood in the distance.

Lee looked over to see Billy watching them. He gave him a quick nod which was returned.

Turning to Francine he said, "Tell Billy he can fill me in. I...I think I better stay with Amanda."

"Fill you in? Lee, he needs you at that meeting." She looked over his shoulder into the waiting room. "Besides, it looks like Amanda’s got quite a bit of support. Her mother, even her ex-husband."

"Well Jamie is his son too," he said, a little more defensively than he meant to.

"Look, Lee, Billy’s expecting you at that meeting tomorrow. It’s only for a couple of hours, then, I’m sure he won’t mind if you want to come back here."

Lee looked from Francine to Amanda, now seated with her head in her hands, to Billy.

"All right," he said, reluctantly. "Tell him I’ll be there."

As Lee turned to leave, Francine touched his arm. He looked back at her.

"Tell Amanda...we’re all thinking about her and...we hope her son recovers soon."

Lee nodded to her, then returned to the waiting room. As he entered, Amanda stood to meet him and placed her hands in his. She had seen him talking to Francine and he told her that Billy was there as well, ‘hiding in the shadows’, to lend their support. He gave her Francine’s message, but didn’t tell her about the meeting. He figured he would just go back to the hospital later the next day. Her family would think it odd if he was to sit with them through the night anyway.

To Lee’s surprise, Amanda suddenly leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I’m glad you’re here," she whispered in a shaky voice. "I’m sorry you’ve been kind of pushed aside...it’s just that..."

"It’s all right, I understand." He was just relieved to know she still needed him. He suddenly regretted agreeing to go to tomorrow’s meeting.

The following day Lee concentrated on the meeting at hand as best he could, although he could not stop himself from discreetly glancing at his watch every few minutes. When it was finally over he practically ran out of the building. Back at the hospital Amanda and Joe sat holding each other, crying. Dottie, who was also in tears, and Philip, in a state of shock, stood next to them.

‘Oh my God, no’ Lee thought as he stood before them. No one had seen him walk in, then, Dottie looked up at him, tears streaking her face. She put her arm around Philip and he, too, looked up at Lee.

"He isn’t doing well, at all," her voice was hoarse from crying.

Lee was somewhat relieved. ‘Not doing well’ was better than what he originally thought when he walked in.

"His kidneys have failed," Dottie continued. "They have him on dialysis. The doctors say the only way..." she glanced at Joe and Amanda, "he needs a kidney."

Lee was overcome by guilt. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that damn meeting. I should have been here with Amanda.’ He looked down at Amanda and Joe. For the first time since he and Amanda had been together, he didn’t feel a surge of jealousy at the sight of them together. Instead, he felt their pain and fear of losing their child. He knelt in front of them and, without a word, embraced them both.

Once Joe and Amanda regained their composure, everyone sat huddled together. Lee was filled in with everything that had happened since he left. They doctors spouted their medical jargon, but what it amounted to was that Jamie needed a kidney to survive. Of course the family would be screened and tested for a possible donor but, just because they were blood relatives did not necessarily mean any of them would be a match.

"Where do I sign up?" Lee asked.

Joe was angered by his lighthearted comment until he looked up to see that Lee was very serious.

"You’d do that?" Joe asked, softening.

"Of course," was his solemn reply. Then, turning to Amanda, he said "Let’s go do this."

Amanda was on the verge of tears again. Not only for her son, but for the love of this man who would so willingly give of himself when she would not have even thought to ask. She silently took his hand and led him out of the waiting room.

****************************

The next day the floor of the hospital that the King family was practically living on became overrun with activity. Outside the waiting room, halfway down the corridor, a screening room for potential donors for Jamie King had been set up. Dottie awoke to find that she and Philip were the only ones in the room. She left him sleeping and stepped out into the corridor.

Several people were milling around a closed door, seemingly waiting. She looked on as T.P Aquinas and Leatherneck, as well as a handful of other agents, stood around talking. Although Dottie didn’t know any of these people, she couldn’t help wondering what was going on. Suddenly, her curiosity was peaked when she saw Francine and Billy join the group of people. Dottie recognized Francine as the woman Lee was speaking to just the other day and the man with her looked very familiar. She watched in a daze as Joe, Amanda and Lee came from around the corner, stopped to talk to these people, then continue towards her.

As they reached Dottie, she gave them a questioning look.

"Isn’t this great, Dottie?" Joe said with a smile. "All these people are here as possible donors for Jamie."

"But...how..." she looked back at the gathering, then turned to Amanda. "Who are those people?"

Amanda, exhausted and not thinking clearly, replied, "They’re just people we work with, Mother."

Simultaneously Amanda realized the slip, Lee shot her a disapproving glance and the dawn of recognition spread across Dottie’s face as she looked back at Billy. In an attempt to dodge her mother, Amanda rushed into the waiting room and ran into Philip.

"Sweetheart, how are you feeling? Did you get some rest?"

Before Philip could answer his mother, Dottie grabbed Amanda by the elbow and turned her around. "Amanda! That man out there! I remember him! That’s that Mr. Melrose. The one who was..."

"Yes! That’s who he is. Now, please lower your voice, Mother."

"Lower my voice!? Why!? What have you got to do with him!? What do you mean you work with him!?"

"Mrs. West, please!" Lee whispered harshly.

"Dottie," Joe tried to calm her as well. "Take it easy. It’s all right."

"All right? What is going on here? What are you three hiding from me?"

To everyone’s surprise, Amanda, who usually had a great deal of patience with her mother, suddenly turned on her.

"Mother, whatever is going on in my life is my business! You want to know the truth? I’m tired of thinking of lies to all your questions! I’m tired of having to explain myself to you! It’s my life and I’ll live it the way I see fit! You want to know if I’m hiding things from you!? Yes, plenty! Some day I may decide to tell you what it is! Maybe not! Either way, it’s my decision! Right now, all I’m focused on, all I CAN think about is Jaime! I don’t want to talk to you or anybody else about anything else! If you can’t handle that, leave now!"

Dottie shrank away from her daughter. She had never spoken to her in that manner and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it. She was hurt and angry, but said nothing. Instead, she turned away from Amanda, tears beginning to sting her eyes, and sat down. Lee and Joe were equally shocked, but before either could say a word, Amanda told them both to stay out of it. Then, she practically ordered Joe to take Philip home to get a decent meal and much needed rest.

Billy and Francine overheard Dottie and Amanda shouting and made their way to the waiting room. Billy felt responsible for the situation at hand. He knew he was taking a gamble when he made the announcement about Amanda’s son at the agency, but he had grown very close to her over the years and couldn’t fight the need to do something for her. Now, it looked as if he had just caused her more problems.

Dottie watched as Lee and Amanda talked quietly with Billy and Francine in a far corner of the room. They tried to whisper, but every once in a while their discussion became a bit heated and Dottie cold hear such phrases as ‘it’s time she knew the truth’ and ‘you can’t keep it from her forever.’ It didn’t matter. She didn’t need to hear it from them. She already figured it out. ‘Mr. Melrose is a government agent - a spy. Amanda said her and Leeworked with him. That can only mean one thing - they’re spies too. Did they think I wouldn’t figure it out? Do they think I’m stupid?’ Dottie’s thoughts brought on a new wave of anger, but, before she could voice her feelings the discussion broke up and they walked over to her.

Given that they had the room to themselves, Billy felt it was safe to have the conversation there. He gave Dottie his ‘national security’ and ‘need to know’ speech, then proceeded to confirm her suspicions. Neither Lee nor Amanda could look at her while Billy told her as much as he could, without going into detail, about when and how Amanda came to work for the agency.

When Billy finished, Dottie surprised everyone by simply stating that she had always ‘suspected something like this.’ However, it was obvious to all that the tension between mother and daughter had not been lifted. If anything it had gotten worse. They still hadn’t spoken a word to one another when Joe and Philip returned.

Later in the day they were all joined in the waiting room again. Billy, Francine and Lee had gone to the agency for a while and had returned. Amanda and Joe had just come from Jamie’s room. They tried to spend as much time as they could with him, but they didn’t want to neglect their other son.

Back in the waiting room Amanda was approached by the nephrologist, Dr. Lowenstein.

"Mrs. King, I need to speak with you." "Privately." He added when it was apparent that Joe meant to join them.

"Now, wait a minute! Jamie is my son too! If this has something to do with..."

"I understand Mr. King," he cut him off, "...but right now I need to speak with Mrs. King...alone."

Amanda cautiously followed the doctor across the hall and through a door marked ‘PRIVATE’. ‘Why doesn’t he want Joe in here,’ she wondered as she sat across from the doctor who had seated himself behind a large desk.

"Mrs. King, the reason I wanted to speak to you alone is, as you know, you were screened as a possible donor for your son. The screening revealed two very important facts." He hesitated a moment, then, "Mrs. King, are you aware that you’re...pregnant?"

The question startled her. "I...I didn’t know they tested for that."

"Yes, it’s standard procedure."

"Yes. I am aware of that. I’ve already seen my own doctor."

"That’s good, that’s good. Mr. Stetson...is he the father?"

"That’s really none of your business," Amanda replied, shocked that he would even ask such a question.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound bold, it’s just, well...if he is the father, perhaps he should join us."

"Why? What’s wrong?" Amanda was starting to worry. She couldn’t take one more shock.

"As I said, there are two things I wanted to discuss with you. The other is...we found a perfect match for Jamie."

"Oh, thank God! I thought you were going to give me more bad news. I don’t think I could take any more. So, you found a match. That’s wonderful!

When will you do the operation? Can you tell me who it is, I’d like to thank them personally. Oh...it’s Lee isn’t it? That’s why you were asking about him..."

Dr. Lowenstein tried to force his way into her excited rambling. He couldn’t get a word in so he held his hand up, indicating her to ‘stop’ and Amanda abruptly fell silent.

"Mrs. King...Amanda...it’s not Lee...it’s you."

"Me?" Amanda breathed.

"Yes. That’s why I asked about Lee. If he is the father and he knows about the baby, he obviously has to be told. Of course, I think you should tell him either way, but that’s just my opinion."

"Told what?"

"If you should decide to donate your kidney to Jamie..."

"If I decide!? Of course I’m going to give him a kidney! He’s my son!"

"Amanda, you don’t understand. It’s not that easy. A surgery of this magnitude...before we could perform the transplant...the pregnancy would have to be terminated."

Amanda could feel the blood drain from her face and her hands began to tremble as a part of her slowly died.

"Isn’t there any way..." she started to ask, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t allow any more.

The doctor just shook his head, "I’m sorry."

Amanda lowered her head. "Why does there always have to be bad with the good?"

She hitched in a breath as she tried to stifle her tears, then let out a long sigh.

"You were right. Lee should be here."

"I’ll get him," he said as he rose and walked to the door.

Amanda just nodded as the tears started to fall.

**************************

Dr. Lowenstein grimaced as he saw Joe pacing the floor. He knew the boy’s father would not take this lightly. He tried to avoid a confrontation by just poking his head in the room. Joe saw the doctor and moved toward him.

"Mr. Stetson?" The doctor called, avoiding eye contact with Joe.

Joe stopped dead in his tracks and all eyes were on Lee as he slowly made his way to the doctor.

"What’s going on?!" Joe demanded. "Where’s Amanda!?"

Dr. Lowenstein finally looked at Joe. "She’s still in the office." To Lee, "Will you come with me? I need to speak with you."

"Why him!?" Joe shouted.

"Mr. King, please..."

"No! I want to know what the hell is going on!"

Philip was shocked by his father’s behavior. He had never seen him so angry. Dottie stood behind her grandson, her hands protectively clasped to his shoulders. Even Billy and Francine moved in closer, ready to intercede.

"Joe, take it easy," Lee said calmly, touching his arm.

Joe angrily knocked Lee’s arm away and the veteran agent fought the instinct to strike back.

"Jamie is my son, not his! This has got nothing to do with him! Now, get out of my way, I want to talk to my wife!"

"Ex-wife!" Lee spat out, realizing too late how defensive he sounded.

Joe gave him a menacing look, but Lee stared him down. Dottie feared the argument would turn physical and did not want Philip to witness such a thing.

"That’s enough!" She stepped in between them.

"Look, Mr. King, I need to talk to Mr. Stetson. It has nothing to do with you or Jamie."

"But it involves my wi...Amanda?

"Yes"

Joe looked from the doctor to Lee, then shook his head. He backed away, allowing Lee to follow the doctor to the office. After they left, Joe turned to Dottie.

"What’s going on with them Dottie?"

"Joe..."

"No, I want to know. I mean, I knew they were dating, but he’s been hanging around here like he’s part of the family...and now this. Just how serious are they?"

Dottie grit her teeth and gave a sideways glance to Billy and Francine. ‘I guess the tables are turned,’ she thought as Joe inadvertently revealed the secret Lee and Amanda worked so hard to keep. Other than Francine raising an eyebrow and Billy nervously clearing his throat, there was not much of a reaction.

"Not now, Joe." Dottie’s exhaustion showed in her voice.

"That’s it, isn’t it? He’s in love with Amanda. That’s why he got so crazy when I called her my ‘wife’.

"Who’s acting jealous now, huh? Just let it go, Joe." She looked over at Philip, who was taking it all in.

"Yeah, you’re right." Joe walked over to Philip. "I’m sorry about all this, son. I guess I’m just tired and stressed out."

"It’s all right, Dad."

Meanwhile, in the office, Dr. Lowenstein repeated to Lee what he told Amanda. For a long time Lee just sat, stunned. Then, he looked at Amanda, whose glistening eyes threatened to spill forth a fresh flood of tears. He tried to speak, but no words would form in his mouth. The doctor, feeling a bit uncomfortable, excused himself and left the office.

Lee turned to Amanda again. "It’s what has to be done," his voice quivered. "It’s not like we have to make a decision. Jamie’s life depends on it."

"I know," her reply was barely audible.

Lee knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. He was desperately fighting back his own tears. Amanda looked deep into his eyes, a single tear flowing down her cheek.

"I...I don’t know wh...what to say. I d...don’t know what to think, or feel," she stammered.

She knew she would save her son’s life, but that didn’t lessen the pain of losing her baby - Lee’s baby. She remembered how excited he had been about becoming a father. He had told her that he never dared dream of the possibility before because he didn’t think that, given his past non-committal lifestyle, he would ever experience fatherhood. He had repeatedly thanked her for giving him something he thought was beyond his grasp. And now it was being taken away from him.

"Amanda..." Lee croaked.

"Oh, God, Lee...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry..." she sobbed.

"No, Honey don’t...don’t..." he put his arms around her.

As Amanda held him close, she could feel his body trembling as he lost the battle with his emotions and began to cry. In all the years she had known him, this was the first time she had ever seen him cry and it tore at her heart. She held him tightly as he released years of pent up emotions, all for the loss of their unborn child.

After a while, Dr. Lowenstein returned. Lee and Amanda had somewhat regained their composure and the three of them spent some time discussing when and how the transplant would take place. As they were making all the necessary arrangements Amanda was beginning to feel light-headed again and was thankful she was sitting at the time. When they were done they left the office together - the doctor making his way down the corridor, leaving Lee and Amanda to face Joe who, by this time had grown even more frustrated and angry.

"Amanda!" Joe called as he rushed out of the waiting room to meet them. Everyone else followed, fearing another confrontation.

"What was that all about? Is Jamie going to be O.K.?" He could see that she had been crying.

Amanda was shaking and was afraid she would faint again. She tried to stay strong. She opened her mouth to speak, her lower lip trembling, but Lee did not give her a chance. He put his arm around her.

"Not now, Joe," he said as he, holding on to Amanda, pushed past him.

"Just who the hell..." Joe started as he grabbed Lee’s arm with a force that caused him to lose his grip on Amanda and she lost her balance, falling against the wall.

In one fluid motion, Lee grabbed Joe by the collar and pinned him against the opposite wall. "I said not now!" He spoke through clenched teeth. He wanted to hit him. God how he wanted to hit him.

"Lee, no! Please!" Amanda cried, tears overflowing again.

Lee loosened his grip, and Joe, still angry and not a bit shaken, shoved him away.

"You want to do this, tough guy?! Come on, let’s go!" Joe shouted, shaking his fists at Lee.

Billy stepped in between them and pushed them away from each other just as Amanda was attempting to pull Lee away. Just then, a nurse came up to them and told them that if they didn’t settle down she was going to have security throw them out. Billy told her ‘that would not be necessary’, then led both men into the waiting room, trying to keep them a safe distance a part.

"This is getting way out of hand," Billy looked at Lee. "I think you should leave for a while. This is a family situation and you’re getting too involved in something you have no business being involved in."

Lee’s heart sank. ‘Billy, you have no idea,’ he thought.

"Why don’t you take your boss’s advice," Joe sniped.

"Shut up, Joe!" Amanda came to Lee’s rescue.

"Oh, you’re defending him against me now? Look, I don’t give a damn what he is to you! I don’t care if you work with him, or sleep with him, or both! This has nothing to do with him! This has to do with ‘our’ family... ‘our’ son! He doesn’t belong here! I am Jamie’s father!"

"And Lee is Jamie’s stepfather!" Her words came out fast and furious.

"Amanda!" Lee couldn’t believe she’d just blurted it out.

"What!" Joe and Dottie said in unison.

"You’re married?" A stunned Francine looked from Amanda to Lee.

"Mom?" Philip was dazed.

Billy stared at them, speechless.

"Well, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you," Dottie stood glaring at her daughter.

Amanda couldn’t believe what just happened. She didn’t even think before she spoke. She was so angry with Joe, with everyone, for thinking that Lee had no business there. Not after what they had just been told. Her emotions had a tight hold on her. She was crying and shaking as she stepped closer to her ex-husband.

"You are so crazy with jealousy you don’t have sense enough to know when to quit! You couldn’t just leave it alone! You want to know what the doctor talked to us about..." she lowered her voice, "...well, I hope you can handle it."

"Amanda, don’t." Lee pleaded weakly.

"Not only is Lee Jamie’s stepfather," she continued, ignoring Lee. "He is also the father of the baby I’m carrying now. Jamie is going to be O.K." Amanda’s voice was growing hoarse from forcing the words passed the lump in her throat. "They found a match...it’s me. And the man you’ve been saying doesn’t belong here...has no business here...has just been told that in order for ‘your son’ to live...’his’ baby has to die. I think...that gives him the right...to be here."

Joe moved his mouth, as if to speak, but could not utter a sound. There was nothing he could say. Nothing anybody could say. They all stood in shock, looking from Amanda to Lee. Amanda lost what little control she had left and rushed out, sobbing, leaving Lee in the midst of the stunned stares. It was his turn to try to speak, but he found he couldn’t. He could feel his eyes filling with tears. Determined not to let them see his weakened state, he closed his eyes and raised his head toward the ceiling - but that did not stop the escape of the solitary tear that fell. He breathed a sigh, lowered his head, scanned their faces once more, then turned and walked out of the room.

Events happened quickly after that day. Part of Billy wanted to chastise his agents, his friends, for not confiding in him. He had known them both forever, it seemed, and he found it hard to believe they didn’t feel they could have told him. In the end, he merely consoled them and gave Lee a leave of absence to be with Amanda.

Dottie tried to be a good mother, but the anger and pain produced by all the lies and distrust still lingered beneath the surface. She clung to Philip, who had become unusually withdrawn over the past few days. Joe encouraged them both to talk about their feelings, to try to make sense of the whirlwind that struck their lives.

After the pregnancy was terminated, alone in a hospital room, Amanda and Lee held each other and cried. One rushed driver late for work changed their beautiful dreams into painful nightmares. Unknown to them, Dottie had gone home that same day and cried, alone, for the grandchild she would never know.

Amanda was put in the room with Jamie after the transplant, at Lee’s request. Several days after the surgery Jamie’s body showed no signs of rejection and he was looking and feeling much better. The two of them talked about a lot of things while they recovered together, but her marriage to Lee and the baby were never mentioned.

*******************************

Amanda was released from the hospital much sooner than Jamie, as was expected. In the beginning, Lee spent as much time as he could with her, when he wasn’t working. They visited Jaime together and sometimes Lee would go alone. During this time, the tension between Amanda and her mother grew.

They barely spoke when they happened to be in the same room, and the home that used to be filled with love had taken on a dismal atmosphere. It got so bad, Lee dreaded going to the house.

At first Lee was quick to put the blame on Dottie for being so unyielding and unable to forgive. Especially since she couldn’t even bring herself to look at him ever since that fateful day when all secrets were revealed. As time wore on, however, he realized that Amanda was being just as stubborn, ifnot more so.

He also noticed an unsettling change in her behavior toward everyone in general. She seemed to no longer have the quiet patience for Philip that she once had. She would snap at him for things she used to let slip and tear into him for things she once was able to talk calmly and rationally about. Lee tried, on a few occasions, to get Amanda to open up to him, but the silence and distance between them increased with each day.

Lee had faith that, if he just gave Amanda enough time to get over everything that happened, she would return to the warm, loving person he knew her to be. Doubt crept in a few days before Jamie was to be released from the hospital. Amanda had been out running errands and came home to find Philip wasn’t home from school yet.

"Where’s Philip?" Amanda asked Dottie in a cold tone.

"He called from school. He said he wanted to go over and see Jamie. He took the bus."

"And you just took it upon yourself to tell him it was O.K.? You should have told him to come straight home. I go over to the hospital every day. He could have come with me if he wanted to see his brother."

"Maybe he didn’t want to go with you." Dottie knew she was crossing the line, but couldn’t stop herself.

"What’s that supposed to mean!?" Amanda asked, angrily.

"Well, you haven’t been treating him very fairly lately, and I think..."

"Don’t you dare judge me on the way I’m handling my son!" Amanda shouted. "Just look at the way you’re treating your ‘daughter’!"

"The way I’m treating you?" Dottie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

"I don’t want to do this now, Mother! I’m going to the hospital. Maybe I’ll get there in time to give Philip a ride home."

"Yes, you do that, Amanda!"

Amanda glared back at her mother before heading out the door. Shortly after she left, Philip sauntered through the back door.

"Hi Grandma." He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "Is Mom home?" He asked tentatively.

"Hi, Sweetheart. No she isn’t. You just missed her."

"Oh." Philip looked downcast.

Dottie gave him a loving look. "Come on, Sweetheart. I know she’s been pretty hard on you lately. Try to understand. She’s going through some tough times right now. Give her some time. Things will get back to normal - you’ll see."

"Yeah, I guess you’re right," Philip said, with a half-hearted smile, then headed upstairs.

A couple hours later there was a knock on the front door. Dottie opened the door to find, to her surprise, Lee standing on the other side. He shifted nervously when he saw her and noticed her quickly avert her eyes from his.

"Amanda’s not here," Dottie said, coldly, then added, "she’s at the hospital."

"Oh. Well...I guess ...I, uh...should’ve called first." Lee stammered.

Just as he started to leave, Dottie spoke again, a softer tone this time. "I suppose you could come in and wait for her. She’s been gone a while. She’ll probably be back any minute."

"Well, uh...I, uh..."

"Come on in, Lee," she said, opening the door wider.

For the first time in a while Dottie looked directly into his eyes. The gesture should have brought him relief, but, instead, it made him more uneasy. He decided that going there was definitely a mistake, but he was there now, and if they were going to have it out he might as well get it over with.

He followed her to the kitchen where she offered him a seat and a cup of coffee. Dottie started with small talk and Lee began to relax. It wasn’t long, though, before she had him nervously running his fingers through his hair.

"So, when are you planning to move in?"

"What?" He was taken by surprise.

"Well, you two are married aren’t you. I mean, you don’t plan on living apart forever do you?"

"I, uh..." he cleared his throat. "Look, Dottie, I don’t want to talk about this now. I came here to talk to Amanda."

"No, no, of course. Why would you want to start talking to me now? You didn’t feel the need to tell me my daughter was a spy. You didn’t bother to tell me you married her, or that you got her preg..." she bit her tongue. "Lee, it’s an honest question that deserves an honest answer."

Lee was growing agitated. "I just don’t think now is the right time. There is just too much going on right now. I think we should wait until things settle down."

Dottie stood up angrily and began to pace the floor. "Oh, by all means! You wouldn’t want to be living under the same roof when your lives are in such turmoil! I mean, this is a pretty rough time and you two shouldn’t have to try and have a real marriage until things are much smoother! I can see where this marriage is headed!"

"Now, wait a minute..."

The slamming of the front door cut Lee off.

"Philip!" Amanda yelled as she entered the kitchen.

"Where is he!?" She demanded of her mother, not even acknowledging Lee.

"He’s upstairs...why?" Dottie was ready to defend her grandson.

Amanda headed for the stairs and met Philip at the bottom. She grabbed his arms and shook him, her anger having complete control over her.

"What the hell is the matter with you?! How could you do that to Jamie?! Do you have any idea how upset he is?!"

Philip was struggling to get away from his mother. He was truly afraid of what she might do. He had never seen her like this. At the same time Lee and Dottie came running in from the kitchen.

"What are you talking about?" Philip said, fearfully. "I just went to see him. I didn’t do anything."

"Didn’t do anything?!" She continued to shake him.

"Let go of him!" Dottie pulled at Amanda’s arm.

"Amanda, calm down!" Lee was pulling at the other one.

Amanda released Philip and turned on Lee. "You stay out of this. This has nothing to do with you!"

It was a slap in the face - to hear Joe’s words coming from her mouth. He let go of her arm and took a step back, the feeling that he had just lost her for good gripping his heart.

"What did he do that was so terrible?" Dottie wanted to know.

Amanda looked back at Philip. "You had to tell him, didn’t you? You had to tell him about me and Lee and the baby..."

"I just thought he should know."

"It wasn’t your place to tell him!" She shouted. "He is lying in a hospital and you tell him something you know damn well would upset him. How could you do that to your brother!?"

With a sudden surge of anger, Philip boldly stared his mother down. He spoke slowly and deliberately.

"How could I do that? I didn’t lie to him. I didn’t keep the truth about my job from him. I didn’t keep my marriage from him. I didn’t do anything to him...you did." He turned and slowly ascended the stairs, leaving Amanda staring after him.

"What are you doing here!" She spat at Lee, still needing to vent her anger.

"I really don’t know anymore." He replied sadly, then left. His eyes filled with tears as he walked out the front door.

"You need some serious help." Dottie told her daughter before she joined Philip upstairs, leaving Amanda alone.

Joe helped Amanda get Jamie settled when he came home, but declined when Dottie asked him to stay for dinner. He found it hard to be around Amanda, as it seemed a lot of friction had developed between them as well. The next evening Lee reluctantly went to the house to talk to Amanda.

Philip answered the door and Lee followed him to the den where the rest of the family sat. For the first time since he learned the truth, Jamie looked at Lee and, realizing he was his stepfather, he felt a little uncomfortable. The look of discomfort did not go unnoticed by Lee. ‘He must really hate me,’ he thought as he turned away from Jamie’s gaze. ‘He must really hate me,’ Jamie thought when he saw that Lee couldn’t even look at him.

Amanda took the dessert dishes into the kitchen and Lee followed.

"I need to talk to you."

"Lee, Jamie just came home yesterday. I don’t want to get into a heavy discussion right now."

"This has nothing to do with us. Billy keeps bugging me about when you’re coming back."

Amanda thought that she would be ready to go back to work once Jamie was home, but she had started having second thoughts.

"I don’t know that I’ll be going back," she said matter-of-factly as she walked back into the den.

Lee followed. "What are you talking about? Jamie’s fine. You told me yourself the doctor said he could go back to school in a week."

The room became hushed and all eyes were on Amanda and Lee.

"I’ve been shirking my duties as a mother long enough. I want to be here when the boys need me - not half-way across the world."

"You think your being home instead of at the agency would have changed anything? Jamie would have still been riding his bike. The car still could have hit him. Things happen that you don’t have control over Amanda. That’s life."

"The boys need me."

"You mean Jamie needs you." He was getting agitated.

"Yes!" She snapped back.

"Amanda, I know you almost lost him. I realize what you have been through, but coddling him is not going to change what happened. It’s only going to turn him against you - and you’ve already alienated one son."

Dottie and the boys saw the flash of anger in Amanda’s eyes with the last statement. Jamie couldn’t help but think that Lee had a point. He really hated when his mother treated him like a baby.

"So you’re going to tell me how to raise my children now!? You don’t have the slightest idea of how to be a parent!"

"That’s right! That chance was taken away from me!" Lee unleashed his own anger.

"I guess Jamie was right," Amanda’s voice grew quiet. "He was worried that you might resent him because of the baby. I suppose you resent me too."

"What!? Have you completely lost your mind!? Lee couldn’t believe what she was saying.

"Maybe...but I don’t hear you denying it."

"That’s it! I’ve had it!" Lee lost all control. "I have done everything I could possibly do to help you through this! I stood by you, even when you were pushing me away, but I can’t take any more of your verbal abuse!"

"Nothing’s keeping you here...it’s not like you live here!"

"You want me to leave, is that it! You want to end this marriage now!"

"Lee, just go home," she said, exasperated.

Lee started to leave then turned to face her again. All his pain and anger caused him to lash out at her. To make her hurt the way he was hurting.

"It’s so easy for you, isn’t it? Sure, you’ve got one failed marriage under your belt, what’s one more." He knew he struck a nerve.

"Get out," Amanda’s jaw was clenched. "Get out, now - and don’t ever come back."

"Fine. Have it your way...you always do."

With that Lee stormed out of the room and left the house, slamming the door behind him.

**************************

It was one o’clock in the morning and Dottie couldn’t sleep. She was witnessing her daughter destroy her own happiness and there was nothing she could do. She sat in her bed desperately searching for a way to reach her, but to no avail. Dottie knew that, after everything Amanda had gone through with Jamie and losing the baby, she would never survive losing Lee too. She got out of bed and quietly stepped into the hall. The house was dark and silent. She made her way downstairs to the kitchen, grabbed the address book next to the phone and leafed through it until she found Lee’s number.

She picked up the receiver, let out a long sigh, then dialed.

The phone rang several times and Dottie was rehearsing in her mind what she would say when Lee finally answered.

"Hello?" His voice was groggy and unrecognizable.

"Lee?"

"Dottie? Do you know what time it is?"

"Lee, I know it’s late, but I had to talk to you and I didn’t want Amanda to know I called."

"What is it, Dottie?" He was fully awake and slightly irritated.

Dottie tried to collect her thoughts. She’d forgotten how she planned to say what she wanted to say.

"Don’t give up on her, Lee," she blurted out. "Don’t give up on your marriage."

Dottie could hear the pain in his voice and, as he spoke, she knew he was choking back tears.

"What do you want me to do, huh? She rips my heart out and you want me to keep going back for more?"

"I know how much she’s hurting you now, but you’ve got to believe me - she isn’t herself...you know that. This whole thing - Jamie, the baby, everything - it’s all too much for her to handle. She’s blaming herself for everything and she’s angry with herself. She doesn’t know how to deal with that anger so she’s misdirecting it at everyone around her."

"I realize all this, Dottie, but I don’t..."

"I know she can get through this, Lee...but not if she doesn’t think you’ll be waiting on the other side when she does. She’ll have no reason to. So, please, please don’t give up on her."

"I’m not making any promises, Dottie," he said after a long silence. "I don’t know how much more of this I can take."

Later that day, Amanda mistook her mother’s exhaustion for brooding. She didn’t get much sleep herself the night before and she was on edge. She still couldn’t believe what had happened; how the argument with Lee escalated to the impending destruction of their marriage. ‘What am I doing to my life?’ the thought crept from the back of her mind, only to be smothered by a persistent hostility.

Amanda stood behind Dottie who was seated at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee.

"Cheer up, Mother. You should be happy. I’ve decided to quit the agency and it looks like my marriage is over - everything you want."

Dottie shook her head, growing weary of the emotional roller coaster.

"Is that what you think? Well, you’re wrong."

Amanda let out a sigh as she sat across from her mother.

"Amanda, all I want...all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. You certainly aren’t now are you? You know, as much as I hated the thought of you having such a dangerous job, at least you were happy doing it. And, as for your marriage...sure, I was shocked and hurt, but I can handle it."

Amanda gave her a doubtful look. "Oh, come on, Amanda, you know how I feel about Lee. And, I know how you feel about him. I’ve never seen you happier then when you’re with Lee. I honestly think that you love him much more than you ever loved Joe."

Amanda could feel her throat tighten and an aching in her heart. "All that’s over, now," she choked.

"But, it isn’t, Amanda! You have got to stop embracing the pain and anger. What happened to Jamie was not your fault. You did not give up your baby. You didn’t have a choice - the doctor may have made it sound like you did, but you didn’t. But, the rest...the rest is your doing. You are throwing away all the things that make you happy...for what? To punish yourself? Well, it may be working, but you are also punishing everyone who loves you. And, eventually, you’re going to lose them all."

Amanda sat in silence, her head in her hands, for a long time. When she finally spoke her voice was full of hopelessness.

"What am I going to do, Mother? I feel like my whole life is falling apart."

Dottie reached across the table and took her daughter’s hand in hers. "Put it back together."

"I’m not sure I know how."

"Go back to the basics," Dottie gave her a smile. "Figure out what you really want, then go from there. You’re gonna have to quell that stubborn nature of yours, and you’re gonna get pretty full from all the pride you’ll be swallowing, but, I think it’ll be worth it."

Dottie was about to leave the kitchen, when Amanda got up and stood in her way. She embraced her mother, who returned the gesture.

"One thing I know I really want is for us to be O.K. I love you Mother, and I’m so sorry for all the lies and the hurt I caused you. Can you ever forgive me?" She started to cry.

Dottie, tears in her eyes as well, replied, "You’re my daughter, and I love you...of course I forgive you."

Amanda knew that she had a lot of mending to do, but she was finally beginning to feel as if she was going to be all right. She thought of Philip, and what she had put him through. She was so worried about Jamie that she neglected her oldest son. Then, she turned on him as she had everyone else.

She couldn’t believe how selfish she had been all this time. Everything had been about ‘her’. ‘She’ lost her baby - well, hadn’t Lee suffered that loss as well? ‘She’ almost lost Jamie - Joe, Philip and her mother had gone through the ordeal too, right along side her, and she hadn’t even noticed. Even Lee, who had come to love and care for the boys as much as any father could. He was there, through it all.

Amanda released her mother and kissed her warmly on the cheek. "I need to talk to Philip."

"Yes, you do."

She found Philip in the den, watching television. She wasn’t sure what she would say to him.

"Where’s your brother?" She opted to start off slow.

"Upstairs, asleep."

"Well, the doctor said he would tire easily for a while, but he should have his strength back in no time."

Philip noticed the pleasant change in his mother’s mood and decided to ask the question that burned in his mind.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Sweetheart?"

‘Sweetheart?’ He wondered. ‘What’s going on?’

"Well, I know me and Jamie are totally different. You’re always saying Jamie’s the more sensitive one...do you think things would be different if...if it had been me instead of Jamie?"

Amanda looked at her son. She could barely speak. "Oh, God, Philip. Is that how I’ve made you feel?" She couldn’t hold back the tears.

Just then, Dottie walked in and went to Amanda. She knelt beside her and put her arm around her. At the same time Philip went to his mother to comfort her.

"It’s all right, Mom. Please don’t cry."

"It’s not all right. Look what I’ve done to you - to everyone around me. You must really hate me."

"I don’t hate you, Mom. I love you. I know this hasn’t been easy for you."

Philip held his mother and they cried together. Amanda repeatedly apologized and reassured him that she loved him. As they became a family once again Jamie, thought to be asleep, zipped up the duffel bag he had just packed and shoved it under his bed, set his alarm for five o’clock, then crawled into his bed.

It was early evening when Dottie asked Amanda about Lee.

"I thought I would go see him tomorrow. I just don’t think I could face him right now. I don’t have the strength after today. I’m afraid he might not even see me."

"He’ll see you," Dottie said, knowingly.

Lee sat on the couch in his apartment, staring at the television. He wasn’t watching, wasn’t even paying attention. He was wishing he was working on an assignment or at the office doing paperwork, anywhere but here. The one time he needed to be busy to keep his mind off Amanda - if he could keep his mind off her - things at the agency had slowed almost to a halt. He glanced at his watch. Ten o’clock on a Sunday morning. He still had the whole day to get through. The sound of the doorbell gave him a start and he reluctantly went to the door. On the other side was the one person he never expected to see - Amanda.

"Hi." It came out in a whisper.

He said nothing.

She cleared her throat, and tried to be strong. "Can I come in?"

Still, he said nothing, but moved aside and gestured for her to enter. She could see he was not going to make this easy, and why should he? After the way she had treated him she was lucky he didn’t slam the door in her face.

"What are you doing here? I thought we were through," he said in an icy tone.

Amanda tried a light approach, hoping to keep herself from breaking down yet again. "I, uh...was...in the neighborhood and...thought I’d ...stop by...to beg your forgiveness."

The light approach didn’t work, as the tears started to flow and she felt her knees giving. She quickly moved to the couch and sat down. She took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. She knew she had to get the words out before she lost the ability to speak. In a rush she poured out her heart to him.

"I know how terrible I’ve been to you, to everyone. I can’t explain my behavior. All I know is I felt so much anger for everything that happened and you suffered for it. You didn’t deserve it...I don’t deserve you. You’ve been so good to me, and I’ve been..."

Amanda couldn’t go on. Her voice broke and she sobbed into her hands. Lee fought the urge to take her in his arms and comfort her. He wasn’t going to give into her tears...not this time. Not after the hell she’d put him through...and...and...he couldn’t stand to see her cry. His heart would not allow him to be so willful. He sat beside her and pulled her close. She buried her face in his chest and cried until his shirt was soaked with her tears.

"Does this mean I’ve got the old Amanda back?" Lee asked.

"I’m...trying," she answered through ragged breaths.

"That’s a start."

"Oh, Lee, I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you. I need you in my life. Please forgive me."

Lee held her at arms length and brushed the hair from her face.

"You are my life...my soul mate. How could I not forgive you?"

Amanda threw her arms around his neck and held him tight. He gently pushed her just far enough away to look into her eyes. He wiped the remaining tears from her face and she kissed him softly on the lips. As he returned the kiss, a little more passionate this time, Amanda could feel all the negative emotions that had threatened to devour her very existence drain from her body - to be replaced by the warmth of emotions that Lee, alone, had the power to reawaken in her. The walls that had gone up between them began to crumble from the strength of their love.

They were interrupted by the ringing of the telephone and Lee reluctantly got up to answer it. It was Dottie.

"Hi. Amanda’s right..."

"Lee, wait!" Dottie sounded frantic.

"What’s wrong?"

"Jamie’s gone. He’s run away."

Lee looked over at Amanda. Her smile faded as she saw the growing concern on his face.

"We’ll be right there." He told Dottie, then hung up the phone.

*************************

By the time Lee and Amanda arrived at the house, Dottie had called all Jamie’s friends without any luck - no one had seen or heard from him. Jamie had left a note saying that he couldn’t stay in the house another day, knowing that he was the cause of so much trouble. Amanda managed to remain calm, to her own surprise, as well as everyone else’s. She called Joe, but got no answer. She was about to call the police when there was a knock on the door. Philip opened the door.

"Mom, Dad’s here." He called out.

Amanda hung up the phone before dialing and ran to meet Joe.

"Jamie is..." she started.

Joe held up his hand. "Out in my car." He finished the sentence she had started. "He came to my house. He thinks he’s to blame for everything that’s happened. Amanda, you’ve got to straighten this out."

"I know. I’m working on it, Joe. Please have him come inside."

Joe started out the door, then turned to Lee. "I think you need to talk to him more than anybody. He seems to think you resent him for...for..."

"Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to him."

Joe went back out to his car and talked to Jamie. After a while, they both were back inside the house. All agreed it was best that Lee and Jamie speak first, so they were left alone in the den.

"You gave us all quite a scare, you know." Lee told him.

"Yeah, well, I figured everybody would be better off if I left."

"How so?"

"Because everything’s a mess and it’s all my fault." Jamie was close to tears.

"Why, because you got hurt? Jamie, you had no control over that."

"Maybe not, but you still hate me."

Lee sighed and shook his head. "I don’t hate you."

"Yes you do. If it wasn’t for me, Mom would still be having your baby."

Lee wondered if he would ever be able to think about the baby without feeling the stinging pain in his heart.

"Jamie, I’m not going to lie to you - God knows I’ve done enough of that already...but never about my feelings. It’s true, in order to save your life we had to sacrifice our baby - and that hurt; it still hurts. But, not even for an instant, did I ever blame you or harbor any resentment toward you because of it." Placing his hand on Jamie’s shoulder, he continued, "please believe me when I tell you that, while I’ll never, truly, be your father, I love you as much as any man could love a son."

Jamie shrugged off his shyness and hugged Lee. Then, as if realizing something, broke away with a sad look on his face.

"But, what about you and Mom?’’ He asked.

"What about us?"

"You guys split up. That was because of me...because of the way Mom was treating me and the way she was acting with everyone else."

"The problems between your mother and I are just that...our problems. It’s between us. You didn’t cause it - we did that ourselves. It’s not your fault."

"Spare me, Lee. I’ve heard this speech before, remember?"

"Yeah, well, this speech ends a little differently," Lee said with a smile. "This speech doesn’t end with the word ‘divorce’."

Jamie gave Lee a questioning look.

"Your mom and I are working things out."

"You guys made up!?" Jamie asked, excitedly.

"Yeah," Lee chuckled softly, "we made up. What about us...are we O.K.?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah? You think you can put up with me for a stepfather?"

Jamie’s face broke out in a big grin. "Yeah."

Lee reached over and tousled his hair, then pulled him into another hug.

Lee moved in shortly afterwards and, after a period of adjustment, they settled into being a family. Joe and Amanda regained their friendly relationship, with just a hint of distance between them. It was made quite clear that Lee was the head of the Stetson-King household and was to have a say in the raising of the boys. Lee and Amanda suffered a tragedy that threatened to tear them apart, but their love shone through and their relationship grew stronger because of it. They made a vow to never again let anything, no matter what life threw at them, drive a wedge between them.

One year later....

Lee felt as if he was in a daze. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Amanda’s screams of pain echoed in his ears. Had she really cursed him? Had she really blamed him for her pain? He looked down at her. She was drenched with perspiration. Her cries had subsided, but her breathing was ragged and rapid; she was exhausted.

In the distance, the wail of a siren could be heard. The sound brought him out of his confusion and he realized that it wasn’t a siren at all - it was the crying of a newborn baby. And, as the nurse handed his wife their son, Amanda’s breathing became more relaxed. She looked up at Lee, her eyes full of love.

"Look at our beautiful son, Lee."

Lee bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "He is beautiful...just like his mother.

"What’s your son’s name?" The nurse asked.

"Well, we haven’t really decided..." Lee started.

"Matthew," Amanda interrupted. "His name is Matthew...after his grandfather."

Lee looked at her, tears glistening in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, then kissed her gently.

"Hey, Dad," she smiled up at him, "would you like to hold your son?"

Lee was so filled with emotion he couldn’t speak, so he simply nodded his head. As she handed him the baby they smiled at each other, their hearts full of love, as they welcomed this new day...this new hope...this new beginning.

THE END

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