CONCLUSION

Later that day, Lee was released from the hospital, not required to return until his stitches were ready to be removed. Billy came to pick him up and drive him back to his apartment.

As they drove along, Lee again took up the argument that Carson must have been the one who shot Amanda. He was frustrated, and couldn't understand why Billy was so resistant to the idea.

"Don't you see? There hasn't been any other line of evidence to come up that you haven't told me about, has there?" Lee demanded. He was anxious for Amanda's killer to be brought to justice.

"Lee, trust me," Billy sighed. "We can continue this discussion tomorrow, if you still want to, but not right now."

"Why not? We're just wasting time, Billy!" Lee nearly shouted in frustration.

"There's a lot that you don't know, Lee," Billy hedged.

Lee exhaled in frustration. "I just feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do. I keep thinking, what could I have done differently? Is there anything I could have done to save her? Billy, I'd give my soul to have her back right now, and it's killing me that I can't even avenge her death."

"Just remember, that, Scarecrow," Billy advised cryptically.

"Remember what?" Lee asked, confused.

"That you'd give your soul to have Amanda back."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda had left the hospital, and gone home to wait for her family. Once reunited with them, she gave them a watered-down version of the truth. She explained that a man had lost someone he loved, who had looked a lot like Amanda. He had sadly gone crazy, and wanted to punish Amanda for being alive.

She assured them that he wouldn't be able to hurt them ever again. They were relieved and happy to be home again.

They had lunch together, and Amanda tried to answer all of their questions to the best of her ability. As she didn't have every answer herself, she had a hard time explaining some of the things that had happened.

After eating, Amanda went up to her bedroom to unpack her things. It felt good to be home again, and the only thing bothering her, now, had to do with her partner. She wasn't sure, yet, what to do about him.

How did one handle such a situation? she wondered. "Hi, Lee. Just thought I'd drop by to let you know I'm not dead."

Shaking her head, she busied herself with putting her new garments away and sorting the things that needed to be laundered.

The phone rang once, and she figured her mother had grabbed it. Amanda remembered the letter. Had he come here? It wasn't likely. Still, she felt compelled to check.

Dotty hollered up the stairs a moment later, "Darling, phone!"

She'd been reaching for the drawer, but picked up the telephone instead. "Hello?" she greeted.

"Amanda, it's Billy."

"Hello, Sir."

"I just wanted to call and let you know that Lee's at home. They released him about an hour ago."

"Okay," she said nervously. "Thanks."

Sensing her apprehension, Billy tried to reassure her. "Just explain what happened. Blame it on me, I did make 'contact zero' an order, after all. He's been in the business long enough to understand something like this. I'll fill him in on my reasons later, if you don't want to broach that subject."

Billy sounded to Amanda like he was trying to convince himself as much as her. She thanked him for calling and hung up. The knowledge that Lee was home, and the trepidation she felt about facing him made concentrating on anything else impossible.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lee moved about the apartment carefully, so as not to jar his shoulder. He hadn't eaten lunch at the hospital and was famished, but couldn't find much to eat. After searching through the scant contents of his refrigerator, he settled on two slices of leftover pizza.

The last time he and Amanda had worked late, she'd come over to his apartment and they'd ordered a pizza. His stomach seemed to tighten into a knot. Everything he did reminded him of Amanda.

Would this ever get any easier? He knew it wouldn't. Suddenly losing his appetite, he put the pizza back into the box and headed into the bedroom. The shot was still making him drowsy, and he decided to take a nap.

First, he opened his nightstand drawer and pulled out Amanda's letter. Reading it made him feel close to her. He focused his attention on the line, "I feel an intrinsic connection between us."

Intrinsic connection. He did feel it, contrary to what she had thought. That was exactly how he had felt. It was how he still felt. He was still very much aware of the bond they had shared. How could he feel it if she was gone? He replaced the letter carefully and closed the drawer.

Within minutes, he was sound asleep. His dream took him back to the day he lost Amanda, and he relived the entire incident. She was in his arms, again. Rocking her back and forth, he repeated her name over and over again.

Lee sat up quickly, his heart trying frantically to burst out of his ribcage. His face was wet with tears, the rest of him was drenched in sweat, and he could still feel Amanda's limp body in his arms.

Staggering to the bathroom, he peeled off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He didn't hear the doorbell ring, five minutes later.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda waited with unsteady nerves for the door to open. She knocked, again, wondering if he was sleeping.

She tried the door, and it was locked. Shrugging, she pulled out a lock pick and quickly opened the door.

Worried that he hadn't come to the door when she'd knocked, she let herself in, and could hear the shower running. She set down her purse and removed her sweater, wondering again what had happened to her coat.

'Must be in the same place as my missing lipstick,' she told herself. She folded and unfolded her hands, wishing Lee would hurry up.

After another minute, she heard the shower shut off. It was suddenly difficult to breathe. She faced the hallway and waited for him to come out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lee dried off and pulled on the robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door. He was hungry, again. He figured he'd eat the pizza after all.

Maybe later, he'd drive by her house, just to see it. Maybe he'd look through the window and check on her mother and sons if they were back home. Just the thought of doing these things made him feel oddly comforted.

He opened the bathroom door and headed into the living room. He ran a hand through his still-damp hair and looked up. What he saw made him stop dead in his tracks, his breath catching in his throat.

Oh, God. . .Amanda.

"Amanda. . ." he whispered, wondering if she was a hallucination.

She didn't respond, just stood there staring back at him, on the verge of tears.

He rushed towards her, until he was only a foot away, and she was still there. This couldn't be happening. Every nerve ending in his body was aware of her. He could feel her there, he could smell her. Could he touch her?

He reached out a tentative hand and touched her face. She was real! He felt himself start to shake. How could this be?

Amanda swallowed hard at his touch, and put her own hand over his. "Lee. . ." she breathed.

"Amanda," he said her name again, wonderingly. Suddenly, he took her forcefully into his arms and held her tightly. "Amanda."

When he released her, she had tears in her eyes. "Lee. . ."

"Why?" he asked, his voice cracking. "How?"

"I had to, Lee. Please understand," she pleaded.

He shook his head, not understanding at all. "Why?" he asked again, able only to gasp out the lone word.

"Come here." She took his hand and they sat together on the couch. Lee sat right next to her and kept her hand tightly in his own.

She haltingly explained everything to him, from the moment she received the letter to her meeting with Billy, and what they decided had to be done. He listened intently, his eyes never leaving her face.

"So it was all a set up?" he said slowly.

"I had to 'die' to protect Mother and the boys and. . .you," she said regretfully.

"You could have told me," he replied, the pain reflected in his eyes. He pulled his hand away from hers.

"No," she shook her head.

"Yes, Amanda! You could have trusted me." He was becoming more and more agitated the more he thought about the situation.

"Mr. Melrose said. . ." she began.

"No, Amanda. This is about you and me. Not Billy! *I'm* your partner!" he shouted, accusing her with his eyes. His face was contorted in pain and anger.

"Lee. . .you were in danger, too. If you had known the truth, Dwayne would have known. . ."

"You didn't know it was Carson, Amanda. Not until after the fact!" He backed away from her, towards the corner of the couch.

He could see that he was hurting her, but he didn't care. He had just been through hell because he thought he'd lost her forever. Horribly, now that he had her back, all he wanted was for her to feel the agony he'd felt.

"And that's supposed to make a difference? Lee, listen to me! Regardless of how things went, if you had known the truth, Carson would have been able to tell. He'd been watching us; watching you. Would you rather have had me tell you? If he'd known, then he would have tried to kill you sooner, and probably gotten to my family, too. Is that what you want?"

She stopped, unable to say anything else for the moment. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Lee held her eyes, unrelentingly.

Finally, she flinched and looked away, then spoke again. "We've been through this before, Lee. I thought you were dead once, too. I. . ."

"Amanda!" he interrupted loudly. "That was a long time ago! That was different. It was before. . .before. . ."

"Before what?" she asked, holding her breath.

"Before we really got to know each other. . .before we were friends," he finished weakly. It wasn't what he'd been about to say. He knew it, and he knew she knew it.

"Lee, I'm sorry. It was the only thing to do. Billy told me I couldn't tell you. It was a direct order. I tried to convince him otherwise," she tried desperately to explain. "But his reasons made sense, and. . ."

"I thought you were dying in my arms," Lee said evenly, cutting off her explanation. "I would have taken your place if I could have. I was begging you not to leave me, Amanda!"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, unable to acknowledge the sheer torment she'd listened to him going through. "I'll understand if you never want to see me, again. Do you want me to leave?" the hurt and guilt in her eyes and voice was evident. She was giving him the choice.

He didn't respond. Amanda waited, and still he said nothing. She nodded, then slowly stood and walked over to the door, waiting for him to call her back. She turned to find him watching her, all emotion had drained from his face.

He shook his head, slowly, transfixed by her soulful eyes. What was he doing? He'd been ready to give anything - his soul - to have her back, and he'd gotten his wish. And here he was, arguing with her, hurting her feelings, and making her think he hated her.

She turned the handle and pulled the door open.

Running a hand through his hair, he forced himself to speak. "No. Don't leave," he said simply.

Amanda stopped and closed the door, leaning against it to support herself. "Okay," she agreed, relieved beyond words, but still anxious.

"Amanda. . .this whole thing has been a nightmare," he told her as he began to pace.

"For me, too," she told him.

"I know, you had to be away from your family. . ." he spoke quietly, sounding disappointed.

"That's not why," she interjected.

"Then why?" he asked, stopping to face her, but staying across the room.

"Lee, when I agreed to this plan, I - I knew you'd be upset. I knew it because we're friends, and we work together, and because I've been through it with you, but. . ." she faltered, looking away. "I didn't know you'd be as. . .upset as you were. I had no idea. . ."

Lee knew what she was talking about. Of course, she had heard his grief-stricken reaction when he'd thought she was dying.

"You're very important to me," he offered warily, acknowledging what she was getting at. "I didn't want to lose you, Amanda. The thought made me crazy."

"You. . .called me 'baby'," she said awkwardly, cringing slightly as she looked up at him. She bit her lower lip in embarrassment, waiting for his denial.

He crossed the room to stand before her and took her hand. Her eyes never left his, as if she was trying to read in them what he wouldn't say aloud.

"I know," he said quietly, averting his eyes. "It was. . .I was so afraid," he began. He shook his head and swallowed over the lump that had risen in his throat, blocking his vocal cords.

Looking back up, he brought his hands up to her face, touching her almost wonderingly. "I was so scared. . .You have no idea how scared. I thought I had lost you."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered again.

"You're really here," he said hoarsely, the reality of the situation sinking further into his tortured psyche.

She nodded. Her hands moved of their own accord up to his forearms. His thumbs wiped the tears from her eyes. Lee could see her true feelings for him reflected in her deep brown eyes. How had he never seen how she felt before?

He bent his head, his eyes now focused on her lips. Almost without thought, he took a step closer to her and touched his lips to hers. Hearing Amanda's breath catch in her throat, and feeling himself respond in kind, he took possession of her mouth and kissed her with passion.

He removed his hands from her face and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer, never breaking contact with her lips. Marveling at how perfectly she molded against him, he deepened the kiss and clung to her.

She was here, in his arms, alive! That was all that mattered. His hands roamed from her shoulders to her lower back, still wanting to assure himself that she was really there.

When they pulled away, they gazed at each other, absorbing the newness of intimacy. Amanda was the first to look, her features registering uncertainty. He tilted her chin and kissed her forehead.

"Hey. . .what's wrong?" Lee asked tenderly.

"You're not going to say you kissed me because you were just relieved that I'm not dead, are you?" she asked seriously.

"No," he replied firmly, shaking his head to emphasize the word. "No more evasions. I'm through fighting my feelings for you. Thinking I had lost you brought home all the things I should have done differently. I need you, Amanda."

She studied his face, and knew he meant it. "I need you, too."

"We have a lot to talk about," he said, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I know," she agreed, sinking back into his embrace.

After a moment of just holding each other, Amanda broke the silence. "I don't want to leave you, but I've got to get home. I told Mother I'd be back in an hour."

His body stiffened, and he shook his head firmly from side to side. "No. Don't go."

"I don't want to, but. . ." she began, but closed her mouth, transfixed by the intensity of his gaze.

"Then don't," he repeated, lowering his lips her neck. "I 'm not going to let you leave. Not yet."

"Oh. . ." she exclaimed at the sensation of his breath and kisses on the column of her throat. She capitulated, unable to resist him, and nodded weakly. "Okay. I won't leave."

Lee smiled in to her hair, having obtained victory. "I know."

"I'll just think of something to tell Mother. . ." she trailed off breathlessly as he trailed kisses around to just beside her mouth.

"Please, don't put me through this ever again," he suddenly pleaded. "It would kill me."

"Never again. I promise," she said, placing her hand on his cheek.

"I mean it, Amanda. I don't care what the circumstances are," his voice was commanding and forceful, his eyes compelling.

All she could do was nod. Satisfied that he had made his point, Lee led her around to the couch and they sat down. They held onto each other as if afraid that physical separation would somehow break the spell that had been cast.

The quiet was eventually broken and they were able to talk about the previous few days. Lee had questions, and Amanda was able to answer them to his satisfaction. He admitted that the experience had drained him emotionally, but that it had also roused feelings that he'd been unwilling to deal with before.

Lee admitted to Amanda that he'd gone to her house after the funeral, to be close to her.

"That's so sweet," Amanda told him, obviously touched.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I'll be right back," he said suddenly, and disappeared into his bedroom. He returned with her coat and her lipstick and handed them to her.

"You left your lipstick in the 'Vette," he smiled, thrilled to be able to give it back.

"And my coat?" she questioned.

"Oh, yeah, your coat. . ." Lee paused. "I took it," he confessed, sitting down and placing an arm around her shoulders.

"You took it?" she repeated, her eyebrows raising in question.

"Yeah. I wanted it," he said gruffly, slightly embarrassed.

"Why?" she asked him, perplexed.

"Because you were wearing it the day you changed my life," he replied sincerely.

Her eyes shining with unshed tears, she took it from him and kissed him on the cheek. "That was a beautiful thing to do."

He kissed her again, to assure himself that she was really back and in his arms, where she belonged.

Lee didn't tell her about the letter he'd found. For that, he had other plans.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Later that night, after Amanda had left, Lee drove over to her house with a mission in mind. He picked the lock on her back door and stepped into the kitchen. With the stealth of a cat burglar, he made his way upstairs and into Amanda's bedroom.

He could tell by the sound of her even breathing that she was asleep. He crept over to the bed, and slowly pulled out the drawer of her nightstand.

After replacing the letter where he'd found it, he closed the drawer, purposely leaving it out an inch, the edge of the envelope clearly visible. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, then left the room and her house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda awoke the next morning to the sounds of Phillip and Jamie arguing in their bedroom. Dotty stuck her head into the room and said a cheery good morning.

"Good morning, Mother!" Amanda greeted.

She sat up in bed and stretched. She noticed that her nightstand drawer was ajar and that something was hanging out.

Grasping the corner of the envelope, she slowly drew it out from the drawer. She immediately recognized it as the letter to Lee she'd been writing. Frowning and perplexed, she pulled out the folded sheets.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Lee's writing scrawled on the back of the last page. He'd found and read her letter. . .not that it mattered anymore.

As she read his answer, a smile formed and grew into a grin by the end of his words.

"Dear Amanda,

I couldn't find the words to tell you, yesterday, that I'd taken this letter.

When I came to your house after the funeral, I just wanted to be near you somehow. I came into your room, looking for some memory of you that no one would miss, and found the envelope with my name.

I'm sorry that I made you feel you had to hide your true feelings from me, especially since my own feelings so closely mirror yours.

You're my best friend, too. Not everyone gets a second chance in life, but I did, and I will be grateful every day for the rest of my life.

I don't think either of us is ready to speak those three words out loud, yet, but I want you to know that the feeling is mutual. The day you came into my life was the best day I'd had up until then. Every day since has been progressively better and better.

Love,

Lee"

The End