THE MADE-UP MAN

(Tune:  Matchmaker, Matchmaker)

Since I'm inventing this man from the start

I'll give him wit, courage and heart,

Make him a boss I could really respect,

A wonderful work of art.

I have a lot of ideas in my mind,

I'll make him deep, thoughtful and kind,

Give him a past full of stories to tell

And make sure he seems refined.

He'd better be very handsome,

With eyes that no-one else can resist.

A good plan, to make my ideal

A man who could never at all exist.

Clever and skilled at detection he'll be,

Charming and wise, also witty.

Always too busy to turn up himself,

But he will have great faith in me.

Now look, you're not Steele!

Nobody will think he's you.

He's honest, urbane,

Exactly not like you.

You're just a sneak and a liar, go, go!

This just won't work, I'm sorry.

Some things you just can't rig.

You want to step in Steele's shoes,

But they're too big.

No chance, I just won't do it!

The agency will fall.

They'll trust him, he's Steele,

But you're not him at all.

I just won't let you hijack him, no, no!

Some other fake detective,

Would be much more your size.

Don't think I'll let you be mine,

Turn off those eyes!

What am I supposed to do

When my fantasy appears?

Wearing all of the dreams I have gathered together

Across a lifetime's years.

Dreams should stay dreams, shouldn't turn up and dance,

Fixing your soul, under a glance

Shouldn't start acting as if they are real

And angling for romance.

What happened?  I wasn't looking.

Did some imp think that he was my wish?

I never knew I was cooking

My own goose when I made up that dish.

Now I am stuck with this almost real Steele,

Looking so good, somehow unreal.

Playing his games with the way that I feel.

What can I do, now he's come true?

I never knew it could hurt but it can

To care for a made-up man.