PART FIVE

Needing no second invitation, Lee climbed in as quickly and quietly as he could. Once he was in they both moved to look out the window, to assure themselves that he hadn't been spotted. They stood there, side by side, Lee bending to look out the window, while Amanda peeked around his shoulder.

The couple below was still there, chatting and laughing together, not having noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Relieved, Lee straightened up, causing Amanda to drop her hand from his shoulder and step back a couple spaces. Turning, he smiled down into her eyes. "They didn't see anything, so you won't have to explain . . . anything . . . to . . . your . . . mother." As he spoke, his eyes had unwittingly glanced downward, causing his speech to become somewhat stilted as he once again became aware of her attire.

Glancing up, he took in the room, completely shadowed, except for the moonlight shining through the window and a glimmer of light coming from under the door. He glanced back at Amanda, feeling somewhat unsettled by the intimacy of the scene. Climbing up the trellis to speak with her, had originally seemed like such a good idea.

Seeing his glance flicker downward, Amanda became aware that she was only wearing the silk nightgown. Crossing her arms over herself, she stepped backwards, further into the shadows.

"Stay there," she told him in a whisper, turning to quickly collect her robe from the end of the bed, and shrug into it.

Lee did as he was told, politely turning to glance out the window, but not before he accidently caught a flash of her from the back.

Pulling the robe around her, Amanda pulled up the lapels and held them together with one hand, at the same time folding the lower portion shut and securing it by pressing her arm against her waist. Taking a deep breath, she turned and again faced the man standing in the middle of her bedroom.

"I think it will be safer to leave the lights off," she told him, keeping her voice as quiet as possible. "Mother will be heading to bed shortly, and if she sees a light under my door, she'll be in here to find out if I called Al . . . to find out if I made a call I promised to make."

Ah, yes, he thought, the call to Chamberlain, he'd forgotten about that. "And did you? . . .make the call you promised?" Lee questioned, unable to stem his curiosity.

"Yes, and no," came her reply. Amanda sat down gingerly on the corner of the bed, pulling her feet back to the side and hooking one foot behind her ankle. "I mean, I did try to make the call, but the lines were down and it didn't go through," she explained. "I'll try again, sometime tomorrow."

"Oh," was the only reply Lee could think of. He couldn't very well ask many more questions without her realizing that he had overheard her conversation downstairs. But, he had to admit that his curiosity had certainly been piqued as he had stood there in her backyard listening. Remembering her statement that if Chamberlain were living in the States, she might be interested in pursuing a relationship, he couldn't keep himself from wondering how interested she'd be.

Looking back, Lee knew that it was the Chamberlain case that had put him where he was now. In fact, it was being in her bedroom with her like this then, that started the entire situation. He had come to talk with her about the case, and as they were talking, he had suddenly become aware of where they were and what she was wearing. A white-hot flash of desire had shot through him, causing him to become acutely uncomfortable with the situation. It hadn't helped matters, that Amanda had caught him staring at her and become uncomfortable herself. They had quickly ended their discussion. He had thought the matter behind him as he climbed down the trellis. That was until she had started appearing in his dreams on a regular basis.

Amanda was a very attractive woman. He had been aware of her as such, but she was also a mother and his best friend. In his book, you didn't mess around with someone's mother and you didn't have fantasies about your best friends. Up until that evening he had been able to control the little odd flashes of desire that would sneak up on him when he was in her presence or when he touched her. After that evening, it had become almost impossible.

He had tried to convince himself that it was just because he had been alone too long. Meeting Leslie shortly thereafter had seemed to be the answer to his problem. But even remedying his personal situation hadn't worked. Amanda still crept into his thoughts constantly and at the most inconvenient times, like earlier tonight. Had he actually called out Amanda's name when he heard Leslie come up behind him? He was use to shuffling girls around and never once had he made such an embarrassing mistake.

Leslie had graciously made some comment about how lucky he was to have Amanda, and it had hit him at that moment that he was indeed fortunate to have her in his life. He remembered agreeing that she was indeed very special. And he did consider her special, although he went to great lengths to keep others from realizing how very special she was to him.

He had unwittingly placed her in a little treasure box set high on a shelf in a corner of his heart. A look, but don't touch treasure. Had he been wrong to do so? He didn't know. Feelings were something he preferred not to have to sort out.

"Uh -- hmm," the sound of Amanda clearing her throat broke into his thoughts. "Lee," she spoke his name quietly. "As much fun as this is, you can't stand in the middle of my room all night," she told him dryly. "I need to get some sleep eventually and Mother could come in at any time."

Lee focused his eyes on her shadowy face. "Uh, right," he said, racking his brain for the best way to proceed. He wasn't very good with apologies. Although by now he should be an old hand, considering how many times he'd apologized to Amanda before. It was just that . . . before . . . he hadn't realized how much he had to lose.

"Amanda," he began, taking a deep breath. He felt extremely uncomfortable standing by himself in the middle of the floor, and before he knew it, he was moving toward her. He crouched on the floor in front of her, hoping she would hear how sincerely sorry he was, even if the words didn't come out quite right.

Reaching toward her, he lay a hand on her knee, closing his eyes momentarily at the sensations the contact evoked. "Amanda," he paused, once again searching for the right words, before finally giving up. "Look, Amanda, I'm not very good at this sort of thing."

She just looked down at him, not giving him any help. "So I noticed."

He sighed, regretfully. Usually, at this point in his apologies, she rushed in to help him through and reassure him of her acceptance. Only, obviously, this time she wasn't going to do that. He was on his own.

"Amanda," reaching over, he pulled her hand loose from her waist and tugged it gently toward himself so he could enclose it in both of his. "Look, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, for the way I've been behaving. I've been acting like a real, class-act jerk and you have every right to be angry with me.

"I wish I could explain why I've been acting like I have. Saying all the wrong things, doing the wrong things. But I'm not sure I even know why. I just know that I am really, really very sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me." He tried to let all the regret he felt shine in his eyes, unsure whether or not she could even read his expression in the dark. The moon was to his back, and while he could see her face, he wasn't sure how much of his she could see.

Amanda just sat there for the longest time, trying to search his eyes for the truth, but it was difficult in the dark and she wasn't about to turn on the light. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to forgive him and move past this night, but she also didn't want to set herself up for further abuse.

"Amanda, please," Lee pleaded, becoming somewhat scared when she remained silent. "I really am sorry. I know I really mucked things up, and that I hurt your feelings. I know I was wrong for not listening when you suggested having the cannery watched. I know it's my fault that you were hurt . . . " He allowed one hand to slide gently to her forearm, caressing the bruised area lightly. "You could at least give me a little help here," he grumbled, almost to himself, when she continued to remain silent.

"Why?" she questioned quietly, "you're doing so well on your own." She couldn't keep the trace of amusement out of her voice, no matter how hard she tried. He had sounded just like one of the boys right then.

Picking up on the slightly teasing tone, Lee allowed himself to feel a tinge of relief. She was going to forgive him. "Amanda, I really am sorry. Please say you'll forgive me."

Amanda found herself surrendering without much of a fight. She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to get back to the way things had been before all this happened.

"Lee, I want to forgive you," she admitted. "But I'm afraid if I do, that you'll think you can continue treating me however you want, feeling that I'll just take whatever you dish out and forgive you when your conscience starts to bother you. I can't live with that." Her voice had taken on a semi-hard edge as she uttered the last few words. "I won't live like that. I don't know what's been bothering you this past week, but I am not your verbal punching bag and I won't allow you to continue to take your frustrations out on me. I would rather quit working with you, than be treated as if I am so totally unimportant, that my feelings and thoughts don't matter."

Her words almost broke Lee. Had he really treated her like that, made her feel as if she were unimportant in the scheme of things? He closed his eyes in abject misery. He deserved to be horse whipped.

Rising to his feet, he reached down and pulled her up to stand in front of him, holding her in place by gently clasping her upper arms. "Oh, Amanda," he groaned. All the regret and sorrow he was feeling echoed in his words. "I never meant to make you feel that way. I am so incredibly sorry."

Pulling her toward him, he enfolded her in his arms, whether to comfort himself or her, he didn't know. He only knew that somehow he had to make amends. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for being so stupid. I didn't even thank you for saving my life tonight. You can't know how awful that makes me feel."

Amanda slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, returning his embrace. For a moment they just stood there drawing comfort and strength from each other.

Finally, Amanda pulled back, allowing a bit of space between them. She had heard the sincerity and remorse in his words, and had felt it in the strength of his embrace.

Sighing softly and shaking her head, Amanda looked up to catch his eyes. "Lee, I accept your apology," she spoke the words quietly, sincerely. "And I forgive you. But I meant what I said, we can't keep going the way we have. I don't know what's happening in your life right now, and I'm not sure that I want to. I only know that I need the person I'm working with, the person in whose hands I place my LIFE, to respect me. To value my contribution to whatever case we're involved in, rather than treating me like I'm totally ignorant." Giving a tiny shrug, Amanda looked at the floor, slightly embarrassed by what she had said.

Reaching out, Lee nudged her chin up so he could see her face. "Amanda," he began tenderly, "I do respect you, and even though I don't always show it, I value your instincts both on the job and as a friend. I really am sorry that I hurt you; I never wanted to do that. I didn't mean the things I said, I was taking my frustrations out on you, and that's inexcusable. I promise it won't happen again. I also promise that I will do a much better job of being there for you and of letting you know how valuable your input is, okay?" He smiled hopefully down into her eyes as he made this promise.

Amanda returned his smile with a tiny one of her own, giving him as much of a nod as she could with his fingers still beneath her chin.

"Forgive me?" Lee asked once again.

Giving another tiny nod, and smiling warmly up at him, Amanda gave him the words he wanted to hear. "Yeah, I forgive you."

"You're sure?" Lee pressed, needing there to be no doubt on this issue.

Reaching up to remove his hand from under her chin, Amanda clasped it in both of hers. "I'm sure." She gave his hand a little squeeze for emphasis. "I'm very, very sure, okay?"

Lee finally allowed the relief to flood through him, and just grinned down at her like a silly schoolboy.

For a moment, Amanda returned his grin, enjoying the expression on his face. Then it dawned on her that she was still holding his hand, dressed in her nightgown in the middle of her darkened bedroom. Letting go of him, she placed a bit more distance between them, bringing up her hand to once again hold the top portion of the robe closed over the gown.

Lee became aware of the situation the moment she released his hand, his glance flickering downward to take in her form, before moving back up to catch her eyes.

The look they shared, was one of awareness mingled with embarrassment.

"Uh . . . I'd better get going."

"You should probably be going."

They both spoke at the same time. Lee turned to move toward the window, with Amanda behind him.

"Check to make sure there are no neighbors out there," she reminded him in a whisper.

Looking down, he flashed a grin over his shoulder. "All clear."

He already had one foot out the window when he looked up to seek out her eyes. "Amanda?" he questioned, curiously. "Do you remember the Chamberlain case?"

Amanda hesitated a moment, wondering why he should bring up this particular case on this particular night. "Yeah," she answered slowly, "I remember that case."

"What exactly was it about the guy that attracted you to him?" he questioned, trying to sound rather offhand, as if the answer was of only passing importance.

For a moment, Amanda considered denying any attraction to Alan, but knew that she wouldn't be able to pull it off, especially since Lee had seen the kiss she and Alan shared.

"I'm not sure," she finally said, trying to put her finger on the answer. "I think it was because he made me feel special . . . desirable. Not knowing about my life when we first met, he treated me as a woman, not as a housewife or Philip and Jamie's mother . . . if that makes any sense." She didn't even notice Lee's nod of understanding.

"He meant it when he said I was someone he wanted to spend time with and get to know. When we talk, I feel like my feelings and thoughts are important to him . . .oh, I don't know . . . yes, I do . . . He not only finds me desirable, he likes who and what I am. He doesn't want to change me into something or someone else. He just wants to enjoy being with me . . . and that feels kinda nice." She gave a little self-conscious shrug as she finished.

Lee had noticed her unconscious switch from past tense to present tense, but felt it was safer not to comment on it. He looked up at her briefly, before sliding his other leg out the window. "I thought it must be something like that," he said, more to himself than to Amanda.