CHAPTER 13 – Love Hurts

Elizabeth stood and stared at William knowing it was futile to pretend shock or outrage…not when she’d inwardly known what kind of response she’d been prompting.

His eyes bored into hers showing a flame of desire that even she couldn't ignore and she was certain that the temperature in the room had risen a few degrees, making her even more conscious of her already sticky state.

With him so close in front and the window at her back, she was beginning to feel uncomfortably hemmed in and found herself fighting the urge to gasp for air. Drawing her arms even tighter around her self, Elizabeth broke eye contact before she lost herself completely in his heated gaze and blindly pushed away from the window in an attempt to put some distance between them.

In two steps she was level with him and then he moved. Turning swiftly, he grabbed hold of her shoulders in a tight grip. Automatically, her arms unfolded and she placed her hands flat against his chest as he tried to draw her closer.

“No, don't William…I-I’m engaged,” she reminded him, in a desperate attempt to stop him from leaning in to kiss her.

William stilled and remained silent for a moment before saying brusquely, “So you are. I wonder what your absent fiancé would say if he knew you and I have made love.”

The blood drained from her face as the shock of his words hit her and she looked back up at him, her expression one of hurt. For a second she felt sick and then somehow found the strength to say huskily, “I don’t want to talk about it William, and if you think you can blackmail me into sleeping with you…”

“Blackmail you!” William exclaimed aghast, not believing what he was hearing. His grip in her shoulders tightened painfully as he tried to hold himself back from shaking her stupid.

If Elizabeth had not known better, she would’ve sworn that he was genuinely horrified but she ignored her need to make excuses for him and added harshly, “Don’t try to deny it! You’ve made what you want from me clear from the moment you got here. Just because we’ve made l…had sex once, it doesn’t mean it’s something I want to repeat.” She drew in a breath and looked at him as coldly as she could. “In fact…I-I didn’t even enjoy it the first time anyway,” she lied before dropping her gaze once more. Surely that she do it, she reasoned desperately. No man liked having his sexual expertise called into question, did they?”

William listened to her words in amazement and bit back the sudden compulsion to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of her statement. She might not want to make love to him right at this moment, but there was no way she didn't enjoy every minute of it that night in his car…he'd stake his life on it.

Staring at her averted profile, he saw the way her pulse beat frantically at the base of her neck and subdued the impulse to imprison it with his mouth and hold it imprisoned until he felt all the restraint leave her. Instead, he decided to turn her obvious lie to his advantage.

"So," he began quietly. "You didn't enjoy having sex with me as much as you do your fiancé, right?"

"No," she agreed, swallowing hard. "But the difference is I love him while you…you…"

"Were just convenient," he nodded agreeably. "I know."

His light tone had her looking back at him curiously and she was surprised to find that he didn't appear to be angry by what she'd said. In fact, his face held no expression whatsoever and for some reason that worried her far more than if he'd lost his temper.

The grip on her shoulders lessened slightly and he tilted his head to the side as his gaze warmed up again once more. "I'm sorry you didn't enjoy that night, Buffy," he said softly. "Because I certainly did."

Heart beating rapidly, Elizabeth blinked slowly at his admission and her arms relaxed enough that he could inch a little closer to her.

"I liked it very much," he continued in the same low voice that seemed to have a paralysing effect on her limbs. "In fact, these last two weeks I've been wondering what it'd be like to make love to you on a nice, comfortable bed rather than the hard cold floor of a car." A hand left her shoulder to brush some of her hair from her face as his voice continued to weave its spell. "To be able to see you as well as touch you."

Her arms were lax now and he moved both his hands to her waist and pulled her unresisting body gently to him, her form shuddering slightly at the contact.

"I'm sorry you didn't share my pleasure in our lovemaking," he murmured against her ear. "I'd like you to…"

His lips moved caressingly over temple and down her cheek as his arms tightened their hold about her person to urge her closer still. The tension within Elizabeth felt like a piece of metal breaking in two. Half of her yearned to give into his touch and simply melt against him. To wrap her arms around his neck and turn her face to seek out his mouth with her own, to get rid of his shirt and run her hands over his smooth skin, desperate in the need to feel everything she had before…and more.

While the other part, the part of her that knew she was being used, just wanted to push him away and run like hell.

His hand cupped her face and turned it gently while his lips feathered lightly along her jaw, his tongue darting out to trace the line to her chin and up. "You taste of sunshine and fresh air," he whispered against her mouth, the vibration sending tiny tremors of excitement through her entire body. "Let me taste all of you, Buffy and show you how much pleasure I can really give to you."

Her body trembled under the sexual onslaught of his words and his mouth hardened over hers as he drew her in for a heated kiss. As his arms enclosed her even tighter in his embrace, she became aware of his evident arousal and found that the feel of his erection against her belly fuelled her own rising desire.

Of their own volition, her arms entwined around his neck as he kissed her as she'd dreamed of ever since the day he'd arrived. His hands moved up to tangle in her hair, his body hard and urgent against her as his mouth demanded a response. She felt him move and then she was lying on her bed with him pressing her into the mattress, his hungry mouth never leaving hers for a moment.

He moved experimentally against her, the action stimulating her body further so that her breasts swelled and tightened within their cotton confines. All at once, the memory of the exquisite sensation of his mouth tugging at her nipples flared bright in her mind and she began to press back into him eagerly in response.

William felt his self-control snap at the way Elizabeth's body yielded so easily to his and he wondered if she knew what she was actually doing to him. Breaking off their kiss, he pulled his hand from her hair then eased it between their bodies and roughly cupped her breast through her sweatshirt.

Beneath him, Elizabeth gasped then let out a moan of pleasure and shuddered wildly as he found her nipple and grazed his thumb across it again and again until she wanted nothing more than to drag his head down to her chest and feel his mouth there instead.

As if reading her mind, William left off his ministrations to grab the hem of her top and impatiently push it upwards to expose her chest to his lustful gaze. Remembering how she'd felt in his mouth and how she'd reacted to him, had him crazy with need to experience it again, making him forget everything he promised himself about not pushing her again. Pulling aside one cup of her bra, he exposed her breast and licked his lips in anticipation of the delights he was about to indulge in then dipped his head to her chest.

Eyes closing, Elizabeth arched her back in silent supplication, digging her nails into William's shoulders in sudden ecstasy of the heat of his mouth as he wasted no time with teasing, instead sucking hard on her breast. The cool air of the room, his warm mouth and the fierce sound of gratification he made mingled together making her realise that there was nothing she wanted more at that precise moment, than to make love with William.

Nothing.

Her breath caught as his teeth scraped against her sensitive nipple making her shudder and dig her fingers into his still clothed form even harder…wanting him, needing him…loving him…

Her eyes snapped open at that and as quickly as her desire had flared, it went away leaving her with a feeling of hollow emptiness. What was she doing?

The night they’d met, she'd allowed her reality to be blinded, caught up in the mystery of the moment but now it was different. William wasn't a stranger any longer. She knew him and knew exactly what he did and didn't want from her…knew how little this actually meant to him…

Tears rose unbidden to her eyes and she bit her lip in an effort to stop the sob that desperately wanted to be released from her throat. This was wrong…so wrong. She couldn’t make love to him now. Not without it destroying her completely.

William released her breast and covered it with his hand as he moved up to nuzzle lovingly at her neck. Hearing a small sniffle, he stilled and belatedly realised that her body had gone tense beneath him. Raising his head, he felt his heart contract painfully as he saw she was crying. "What's wrong?" he asked in tender concern.

Too distressed to lie, she whispered brokenly, "I can't do this, William. Please don't make me."

She began to tremble and he frowned slightly as he removed his hand then gently recovered her bare chest and tugged her sweatshirt down in the hopes that it'd help her calm down somewhat. "Is it because of him?" he asked huskily, watching her face. "Your fiancé?"

Elizabeth looked back at him blankly for a moment, wondering what he was talking about but then remembered and blushed. "Yes," she fibbed, then paused and felt compelled to add honestly, "But even if I weren't engaged, I couldn't." She drew in a breath and stared at him bravely. "I want you, William, but I can't have a relationship that's based purely on sex. It'd never be enough." She looked away briefly before looking back at him and continuing. "You turn me on…we both know that…and I’ve tried to pretend it isn’t true, tried to resist this…this…physical thing we have between us, but I can't do it. Not without your help." Her watery eyes opened wider in desperate appeal. "Please, William, will you help me? If I make love to you now, I-I'll lose whatever's left of my self-respect…I…"

She broke off with a harsh sob and William was stunned at the intensity of the emotion that filled him. He had wanted her, desired her…almost hated her at times, but now he felt nothing but admiration for her; such compassion and love that he couldn't stop himself from lifting a hand to her face and gently running his fingers down it trying to both soothe and comfort her at the same time while attempting to convey, without words, all he felt for her.

"I understand," he said quietly. "You want me physically, but you're in love with someone else." He gave her a half smile. "I never meant to pressure you into making love with me, Elizabeth. Last thing I want is for anything that happens between us to rob you of your self-respect. I just hoped…" He stopped then sighed heavily as he looked away and eased himself off of her to sit up.

There was no point in telling her how he felt now. She'd made it clear when she'd said that she didn't want a relationship based purely on sex that she felt nothing more than a physical attraction to him. He wasn't stupid enough to pour out his heart to a woman who would do nothing but trample it in the dust. He did still have some pride left amongst all the heartache.

He got up and looked back down at her. She was still trembling, her eyes large and dark in her pale face. "I'm sorry about saying that I didn't enjoy our lovemaking before," she told him hesitantly. "I-I was frightened and needed to protect myself…"

"Shhh, " said William silencing her as he shook his head. "It's forgotten. And you don’t have to worry, Elizabeth, I'll keep away from now on, okay?"

There was so much pain in her eyes as she nodded slightly in response that William felt as though he just wanted to gather her up into a hug and hold on to her forever. Forcing himself to move away, he walked to the door mentally raging against her fiancé. What kind of man was he? Didn't he realise what his uncaring treatment was doing to her? She needed him here, not in America.

Opening the door, he cast one last look at the woman who lay huddled on the bed and resisted the inclination to go back. Determinedly walking out into the hallway, he shut the door behind him and slumped heavily back against it.

"Bloody hell," he muttered as he stared blankly ahead of him. After Dru, he'd told himself that he'd never make the mistake of falling in love again. That he'd never expose himself to that kind of pain, that kind of anguish a second time and yet here he was. Except that now, William recognised that what he'd felt for Dru had been infatuation and when she'd cheated on him, his pride had been bruised but not his heart. But this…what he felt for Elizabeth…this went far beyond anything he'd ever felt before.

With a slight snort of derision, he pushed away from her door and headed to his own room. Apparently the old saying, 'love hurts', was true. And he was feeling every single twinge it decided to send him. Entering his bedroom, he began to get changed for dinner that evening and thought back over the past couple of months since he'd first met Elizabeth.

In hindsight, he knew he should have realised what was happening to him then. His anger and disappointment when all his enquiries had come to nothing were good indications that his desire to find her again was because of more than just a sense of responsibility for taking her virginity.

Her virginity.

He stopped buttoning up his fresh shirt and frowned. That was a piece of this puzzle that he'd probably never find out the solution to now. Why, when she loved this other man so much, had they not been lovers? Somehow he didn’t think that she'd take kindly to him asking her outright but it was still a question he'd dearly like an answer to.

Shaking his head, he finished dressing and called himself an idiot. It didn't matter why. The simple fact was that she loved someone else and he just had to deal with it. When he'd believed that she was just another Dru, it had been easier to cope with, but now he knew better. There had been no mistaking the genuine confusion and pain in her voice when she'd told him that she wanted him and what that feeling was doing to her. He'd never expected such honesty and it'd effectively compelled him to listen where all her other protestations would have likely fallen on deaf ears.

Truth was, people did not fall desperately in love between the space of one heartbeat and the next and they certainly didn't go on to consummate that love without any of the preliminaries that normally preceded such intimacy. Only he had, and although he was still reeling from the shock of it, he knew for certain that he loved her and would've done no matter how many fiancés she had.
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In her room, Elizabeth sat up shakily and attempted to quiet her still trembling body as she tried to come to terms with what had just happened and the fact that she loved William. Not just needed him or wanted him or desired him…but really loved him, with everything in her.

He’d been so gentle, so understanding and caring when she'd told him how much it'd cost her to make love to him again, that it was as though her perception of him had suddenly been wiped clean of all the misconceptions and fears she’d deliberately nurtured within herself – and in doing so, she’d truly recognised, for the first time, exactly what a good kind of a man he was.

It was a very humbling experience to realise that her body and senses were far better judges of character than her brain. They had recognised within William…a complete stranger…something for which they'd yearned. Some essential goodness of nature, a basic generosity of heart and mind that they'd instinctively reached for that her brain had refused to acknowledge.

If only she hadn’t lied, if she’d just been honest with him right from the start, if… She paused in he mental musings and shook her head despondently. No. The lie didn’t matter anyway. He’d proved that by not refuting her claim that what they’d nearly shared was merely just sex and that told her very clearly, exactly how he felt.

He didn’t love her so wasn’t it better just to leave things alone now? He’d promised to keep away and the look he’d given her had echoed the truth of that statement.

At the end of the day, one night with him she could pass off as a moment of weakness. Embarking on a relationship where she had feelings and he didn’t was complete insanity. What would happen to her when he left? She’d have to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart, shard by shard, and hope that she could put them back to together in some kind of semblance of what it had once been.

Ever since she met him, all her dreams of marriage and children had started to shake on their foundations…did she really want to have them fall down completely?

Because they would. If she let him in, she just knew nothing and no-one could ever compare in the future. And that’s what scared her the most.

She may hurt now, but in the long run, her heart would get off lighter and she would heal…not completely…but enough to go on and forge some relatively happy life for herself with someone else.

Eventually.
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William left his room and went downstairs only to encounter Giles coming out of the kitchen. The other man was about to say something when the phone rang. "Come in a minute while I just get this, William," he invited as he headed for his study.

William trailed slowly after the older man, mentally trying to pull himself together. From the doorway, he saw Giles answer the phone and immediately stiffened when he heard his colleague greet the caller.

It was Connor. Elizabeth's wayward fiancé.

"Wanker," he muttered under his breath as he unashamedly listened to Giles' half of the conversation.

"Yes…yes…she's upstairs I believe. Do you want me to get her? No? Yes, I can give her a message…okay…fine, I'll let her know…goodbye, Connor."

By the door, William felt his ire begin to flare against the faceless man on the other end of the phone. The bastard couldn't even be bothered to talk to her in person. There Elizabeth was, denying everything in her, confused and alone and all her waste of space fiancé could do was leave her a bloody message. What an absolute tosser.

"That was Connor," Giles informed William conversationally as he replaced the phone on its cradle and scribbled something down on a pad. "He's engaged to my niece, you know?"

William nodded curtly and tried to relax the grim set of his mouth enough to speak. "Yes, Elizabeth had mentioned it," he managed to grind out as his stomach churned unpleasantly at the realisation that she'd now told her uncle her good news. More protection, he thought unhappily.

"Oh, did she?" Rupert queried as he walked over to the younger man. "Yes, well, it's hardly surprising I suppose, she's extremely excited by it all."

William stood back so Giles could pass then followed him to the front door. "I can imagine she is," William offered quietly. "Not every day you get engaged, is it? I just hope it works out for them."

If Giles heard the flatness of William's tone then he showed no knowledge of the fact as he replied, "Oh, I think it will. They seem very attached to one another, young love and all that." He gave the other man a smile as they left the house and walked over to his car. "In fact, I don't think I can recall a time that I've ever known her to be so happy as when she's with him."

Starting up his car, William pulled away from the house and tried to smile back at his friend. Even if he'd still doubted Elizabeth's feelings for her fiancé after everything that had transpired between them, he couldn't have denied the truth of what Giles was telling him now. Why couldn't you just tell me that he's a complete burke and you hate him? he thought to himself unhappily.

Unaware of William's inner turmoil, Giles changed the subject to one of work and chatted blithely on. William welcomed the diversion and entered into the conversation with as much enthusiasm as one man who'd just had his heart completely shredded to pieces could muster.

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