TEACH ME!

(Tune:  If We Could Talk to the Animals)

If you could just tell me what to do,

How to work with you,

How to be exactly as you are

Without a single suspect dying,

Work out which is lying

Solve the case and shimmer like a star.

If you could teach me detecting skills,

How to judge a will,

How to spot the guilt in someone's eyes,

To look beyond the movie's answer,

Laura, you're a master!

I am just a master of disguise.

How can a good detective be so beautiful?

How can a lovely woman be so good

At solving crimes?  I promise, I'll be dutiful

If you will teach me all you could.

Please teach me your careful certainty.

Just the thing for me,

A teacher who can keep me wide awake.

And I can learn to detect like you,

To ferret out what's true,

Do the things you wanted your Steele to do,

You have to teach me, guide me for our public's sake.