CHAPTER 8

Xander opened the door to Willow's hotel room and ushered her inside. Her tears had stopped but she looked pale, her eyes, black smudges of pain. He mentally raged against the sometime werewolf, wishing he could knock some sense into him. He hated to see Willow looking so crushed.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked as she sat down on the couch and stared mutely into space.

At the slight shake of her head his lips compressed together as he fought an inner battle not to say a few choice words about Oz. He lost. "I can't believe that after everything, he doesn't want you, Will!" he suddenly burst out. "I mean, true, he's seeing someone, but it's not like it's serious…he's hardly knows her for God's sake!"

He started to pace up and down in front of her in agitation. "Didn't he realise that that whole Tara thing wasn't you? I mean, you explained everything, right?" he enquired as he stopped pacing to look at her with a frown. "Willow?" he prompted when she didn't immediately reply. He crouched down in front of her and let out a quiet sigh when he realised she couldn't look at him. "You didn't tell him, did you?" he guessed.

Willow closed her eyes and a single tear escaped down her right cheek as she shook her head in defeat.

"Why?" he asked softly, not understanding her decision.

She shrugged her shoulders and absently wiped away the tear before looking up at her friend. "Because I didn't want him to feel sorry for me," she whispered sadly.

"What?" he exclaimed and stood up again, disbelief marring his features.

"Don't you understand?" she cried suddenly. "He's happy with Serena, if I'd told him about Tara, he would've felt bad about everything. I didn't want him to feel obligated…"

"You should've given him a chance to make that decision himself, Will," Xander interrupted heatedly.

"But what if he'd still chosen her over me?" Willow almost screamed the question at Xander and he froze, speechless, fully realising then why she did what she did. She was scared.

As he stared at his now weeping friend, he couldn't help but wonder, not for the first time, why their lives were so damned complicated.

***********************************

Angel gave a groan of frustration and slammed the phone down. He leant back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. How many more times was he going to lift the receiver and not call Buffy?

He let his arms drop and looked up to see Oz standing in the doorway. Both men stared at each other silently, then Oz moved forward and sat down in the chair in front of the vampires desk. "Tell me about Willow," he requested unemotionally.

Angel sighed and leaned forward. He'd been expecting this visit. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

Angel stared at him a moment longer then gave a curt nod. "OK, it all started when I phoned you at The Starlight…"

Half an hour later, Oz still sat in the chair opposite Angel but he had visibly sagged, his normally impassive face a mask of disbelief and guilt. "I didn't know. Why didn't she tell me?" he muttered remorsefully.

"She wanted you to be happy, that's why," came a voice from the doorway.

Angel looked up and Oz turned around in his seat to get a look at the man who stood behind him.

Xander stepped into the room and after flicking Oz a quick glance, he turned his attention to Angel. "Will and I are leaving so I've just come to settle up. What do we owe?"

Angel stood and eyed Xander consideringly before holding out his hand towards him expectantly. "I don't charge friends," he replied simply.

Xander hesitated momentarily and then clasped the vampire's hand and shook it firmly. "Thanks, Angel." The two men exchanged a look that confirmed their tentative peace and broke their hold.

Xander turned to go but was stopped by Oz who stood up and blocked his path. "I never meant to hurt her," the werewolf said in a hushed voice.

"Really?" Xander questioned with a frown. "Sure didn't look that way to me."

"She told me she was happy with Tara; I just wanted to show her that I was happy too," Oz defended.

"Trust me, she took the hint," the other man replied sarcastically.

Shame flowed through Oz and he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

The slayerette remained silent for a moment as he cast an unhappy look over his friend. "It's not me you have to apologise to," he said finally and then moved around the shorter man and walked out of the office, quietly shutting the door behind him.

***********************************

Serena placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of Oz and sat down next to him with a sigh. She watched her boyfriend lift the cup of strong brew to his lips and take a sip as she tried to think of a tactful way to broach the subject she wanted to talk about. Willow.

She'd seen the way that the witch had run out of The Starlight and Oz's face as he'd stared after her only confirmed her already burgeoning suspicions that it was not over between them. The fact that he'd then immediately released her from their embrace and mumbled what she assumed was some kind of apology before walking away only added to her certainty.

And now, two hours later, he was back and sitting in her apartment. He wasn't his usual self though, that she could plainly see. Gathering her courage, she took a deep breath and blurted out, "You went after her didn't you?"

Oz stared at her in surprise for a few seconds then slowly shook his head. "I went to see Angel," he refuted quietly.

Serena half-smiled. "But it was about her wasn't it?" she pressed knowingly. "I saw the way you looked when she ran out, Oz," she added when he didn't appear to want to answer her.

He looked down, not able to meet her steady gaze. "Yes, it was about Willow. I found out some things…things that would've made a difference…"

"Don't you mean they do make a difference?" Serena broke in softly.

Oz closed his eyes as if to shut out the pain. He couldn't lie to her and yet, more than anything, he didn't want to hurt her either. He felt torn in half between the two most important women in his life and didn't know what to do.

Part of him realised that Serena had been there for him constantly during the last year and she was also finally finding the strength to move on. How could he just let her down and walk away as if it meant nothing…as if she meant nothing?

Then there was the other part of him, the part that was ruled by his heart; the part that knew he'd never feel the same about anyone as he did about Willow. Even when he thought her heart belonged to someone else, he couldn't stop loving her and now he knew the truth…well, there was only one choice he could make.

Serena saw the play of emotions over his normally impassive face and knew the answer to her question. If she were honest, she had known what would happen the minute Willow had shown up again in his life. He'd never looked at her the way he did Willow.

Forcing back her own unhappiness, she managed a smile then gently touched a hand to Oz's face and he opened his eyes. Serena read the look of guilt and sorrow on his face and quickly spoke up so as not to hear the apology she knew was coming.

"Just go to her, Oz," she advised softly. "Put her out of her misery. It took a lot of guts for her to come here and I can only imagine what she must be going through having to give you up again. I know I wouldn't be able to, so I'm giving you this one chance."

Behind her lightly spoken words, Oz saw the pain it cost her to say what she had and he smiled tenderly. "I'm going to miss you, Gypsy," he whispered and then leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

Serena closed her eyes and let herself respond one last time to his touch. 'Funny how you can get so addicted to something in such a short time,' she thought as she reluctantly ended the kiss before her fragile control snapped.

"Goodbye, Oz," she said as he stood to go.

"Bye." He gave her one last long look and then was gone.

Serena stared at the door that Oz, seconds earlier, had departed through and allowed her tears to fall.

'What was that old saying about love?' she wondered as she idly picked up the cup with the now cold coffee in and walked over to the sink to rinse it out. 'Oh yes, the first cut is the deepest.' With a shake of her head, she knew without a doubt that where Oz was concerned, she'd definitely been sliced to the bone.