CONCLUSION 

The loud honking of car horns, along with the whoops and yells of teenagers filled the air as a string of cars pulled into the parking lot, drawing their attention. The moment was lost. Lee removed his hand, sitting back in his seat with a sigh. Amanda lifted her eyebrows and tilting her head, sent him a wry smile. As more cars entered the lot, Lee started his engine, guiding the car back out onto the road and in the direction of Amanda's house. It had been a long evening, and while their intimate moment had been interrupted, neither of them was really sorry. They really weren't ready to take that step yet.

Amanda turned and gazed out her window, watching the shops and buildings go by . . . her mind a mass of confusion and contradictions. She didn't know what she wanted or what she hoped might happen between them. It was as if suddenly things were moving too fast and she needed to slow them down. She liked and admired Lee; in many ways she cared for him more deeply than she had cared for any other man, but was she in love with him?

Sometimes she thought she was heading in that direction and at other times she was more than content with the deep, abiding friendship they shared. She didn't want anything to ruin that. His place in her life was concrete. Did she really want to start something that might blast it all to pieces? She had come to count and rely on him. His presence in her life had become almost too important to her and she wasn't so sure she wanted to need someone as much as she was coming to need him.

On the other hand, she didn't want to push him away either. A moment ago, she had been sure he was going to kiss her. Not an assignment kiss, as terrific as some of those had been, but a kiss that was hers alone. With no other motivation than that he wanted to kiss her. And she had wanted to kiss him as well. She had wanted to feel his lips pressing on hers, his tongue caressing the inside of her mouth and so very much more. But what then? Where would they go from there? She wanted him, but he was her friend and she refused to lead him down a path of half promises. She wanted something from him, but she wasn't sure just what that something was.

She had been reminding him of her position on casual relationships for over two years, and now it was time to remind herself. At least until she knew for sure what she wanted for her future. She already knew that she wasn't the affair type. While casual flirtations were nice, she didn't think that was what she wanted with Lee. They had come too far in their friendship for that. She wasn't going to allow her own desires to ruin their relationship, she refused to offer Lee anything but the solid commitment she required in return.

Besides, there was no guarantee that he was offering her any kind of a commitment. He hadn't mentioned anything about wanting their relationship to be more. He had probably just been carried away by the moment. He had Leslie in his life and a multitude of other woman at his beck and call as well. She had too much respect for both herself and him to allow a moment of weakness to tarnish what they already had. She refused to allow anything to happen that he would end up hating himself for in the morning. If she did, he might eventually end up hating her as well.

Lee was also quiet as he drove the distance to her house. He knew that she wouldn't have refused his kiss, he had seen a matching desire in her eyes. But he was afraid that while she wouldn't have refused, she probably would have ended up regretting it. If he knew nothing else about Amanda King, he knew that she was an 'all' or 'nothing' person. She didn't do anything by half measures. She put her whole heart and soul into every endeavor she made. He had spent most of the past twenty-four hours thinking about her. He had invested over two years studying her. He knew so many little things about her, things that even the thorough security check she had undergone wouldn't pick up.

Like what a marvelous sense of humor she had. How her eyes turned darker when she was upset and seemed to sparkle when she was happy. He knew that she could talk a mile a minute, and yet tell you absolutely nothing. He knew that people were attracted to her openness and pleasantness like flies to honey. Other than Francine, he couldn't think of a single person who didn't like her. People just tended to open up to her naturally.

But he also knew that what appeared to be an open book policy on her part, was really a cover for the incredibly private person she was. That one had taken him longer to pick up on than he liked to admit. She shared the activities of her life openly with anyone who cared to listen, but her thoughts, her feelings, her heart, she kept closely guarded.

She had found out more about the inner workings of his mind and his own personal history in the first few months of their acquaintance, than he knew about hers after over two years. Right now, he would love to be privy to what was going on in her head. He could feel her pulling away from him emotionally and he couldn't blame her. He had pushed her away so many times before, she must surely be waiting for him to do the same again.

He was through pushing her away though, through running. He didn't know what the future held for them, but he wanted to find out. His feelings for her were stronger than those he had ever felt for any other woman. He couldn't think of even one other person in his life who he worried about, thought about and just enjoyed being with as much as her. Reaching out, he laid his hand over hers where it lay in her lap, giving a little squeeze. "Amanda, are you okay?" he asked quietly, leaving the question open for her to interpret any way she wanted to.

"Hmm?" She slowly turned in his direction, sliding her eyes over him and then smiling warmly. He loved the way she did that, it was almost like a caress. "Yeah," she allowed a small sigh to escape. "I'm fine, Lee. Just trying to figure things out."

"Oh, like what?" he encouraged her to share her thoughts, wondering if she would.

"Just things," she replied unsure if she wanted to open a can of worms right now. She knew that eventually they would have to discuss what was happening between them, or maybe not. Maybe they could just go with the flow and see what happened. She mentally shook her head at that thought. She really needed to know where he stood on several things, before she would be willing to just go with the flow in their relationship.

She looked at him thoughtfully, wondering if he would be open to this type of discussion right now. So many times in the past he had tried to shut her out and she really didn't feel like digging around in his psyche for information this evening. If he was unwilling to open up, she could scare him away for good.

As he paused for a red light, Lee glanced over at her, meeting her eyes, trying to read her thoughts through them. She looked like she was studying him pretty thoroughly, blushing slightly at being caught. He grinned, flashing his dimples at her. "Must be pretty interesting thoughts," he couldn't help teasing. "Sure you won't share them?"

"Actually, I can't make up my mind whether or not they're worth sharing." She smiled back at him.

"If they're worth thinking, then they're worth sharing," he assured her, putting the car in gear as the light turned green.

"That's not always true," she replied somewhat casually. "Some thoughts are just really stupid and others are often best left unsaid, because they can sometimes open a door that should have been left closed."

When she had first started, Lee had been almost sure that she was going to go off on some random tangent about the various kinds of thoughts, but when she finished with quiet sincerity, he eyed her with a speculative look of his own. Something was definitely weighing on her mind. He could almost feel her mentally laying down the foundations of a wall between them.

"Why don't you go ahead and live dangerously . . . for a change," he suggested, his eyes twinkling and the corners of his lips curling upwards as he added the last. Considering the fact that their day to day life was full of danger, his words caused her to laugh.

"For a change, huh? Okay," she shrugged her shoulders, giving in gracefully. If he was in the mood to talk now, it might be better to get a few things out in the open. "What happened with Leslie?" she asked quietly, the question startling her almost as much as it did him. Oh, well, in for a penny, in for a pound. "I mean," she clarified, trying to keep her tone nonchalant. "Why are you out with me tonight instead of enjoying yourself with her at the Embassy party?"

Leave it to Amanda to open with a question. Lee wondered if that meant she wasn't willing to share her actual thoughts. But that didn't seem to fit. If she didn't want to talk about anything personal, she would have just completely changed the subject, but she hadn't. He could tell that she had been just as surprised by her question as he was. But fair was fair.

He wanted her to bare her soul, to give him some insight to what she was thinking and feeling. If he had to start first, than he would. But, how did he answer that question without sounding like a complete idiot or scaring her away completely? "Actually," he began, deciding to be as truthful as possible. "I'm no longer going to be seeing Leslie."

"Why not?" she asked quietly, causing him to groan inwardly. He just knew that was going to be her next question. This honesty stuff was the pits.

"We just realized that we didn't have the right kind of feelings for each other," he informed her, thinking furiously as to how he could explain things without completely giving himself away.

"Oh." Amanda turned his answer over in her mind and then decided that she really didn't want to waste a lot of time trying to find out all the how's and why's. The fact that they were no longer seeing each other was enough for her peace of mind, as long as Lee was truly okay with what ever had happened between them.

"Are you all right with that decision?" she questioned him. The tone of her voice caught Lee's attention. She wasn't being inquisitive this time, but concerned as to whether or not he had been hurt by this turn of events. He sent her a sideways glance that silently said 'thanks for being a friend and caring'.

"It was a completely mutual decision, Amanda. I'm more than all right with it," he assured her warmly. Slowing the car to make the turn into her addition, he flashed her a sincere smile. She returned his smile, glad to know that his heart wasn't aching for the other woman, glad to know that she hadn't been merely a substitute tonight. "Can I ask you something?" he questioned rather hesitantly, unsure of how bold he wanted to be. "It's personal and you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Looking at him with curiosity, Amanda shrugged. "Considering that my question was extremely personal, I think you're entitled to one of your own," she gave her permission.

"What about you and Chamberlain? How serious are things between you two?" Lee held his breath as he waited for her reply, wondering if she would tell him to mind his own business or even worse, that she was in love with the other man. He pulled the car smoothly to the curb a few houses from hers and shut off the engine, turning to look at her face. Her expression held mild surprise at the question, but nothing else.

"Alan and I are just friends," she informed him. "I like him a lot, but I'm not interested in him romantically, if that's what you're asking."

"That's what I'm asking," he confirmed. "But what about Chamberlain, is he romantically interested in you?" he continued, needing assurance that the other man wouldn't sway her feelings in his direction. "I mean a man doesn't usually send flowers five times a month, unless he's interested in something more than just friendship," he clarified his reasoning.

"If he is, he hasn't said anything and it wouldn't matter anyway, because I'd simply tell him I'm not interested in more than just friendship." Suddenly it dawned on her what he had just said. "How do you know how many times he's sent flowers this month?" she questioned suspiciously. "There's only two ways you could know something like that," she informed him accusingly. "Either you've been keeping much closer tabs on me than I realized, or you were outside in the garden last night when mother and I were talking. Okay, Stetson. Talk." Her expression was somewhat stern, but he could see a slight mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She wasn't anywhere near as upset as she was pretending, and had obviously already figured out the answer for herself.

"I'm sorry," he apologized for invading her privacy. "I was waiting to get your attention, and the windows were open. I couldn't help but overhear the conversation. You really ought to remember to close your blinds and windows at night," he told her, his own eyes beginning to twinkle merrily. "One never knows who might be outside listening .. . or watching."

The expressions chasing each other across her face were extremely interesting. Confusion, followed by understanding, ending with embarrassment mingled with amusement. "I'll keep that in mind, Stetson," she said trying to keep her expression serious. "You're right, one never knows what kind of deviant might be lurking around in the garden at night," she teased. "But if I remember correctly, the flowers were discussed shortly after I came downstairs, so you are more than aware that I'm not interested in a relationship with Alan."

"Correction," he replied, quietly. "I know that you're not interested in a long distance relationship with him, but what if he does move back to the States?"

"Lee, I'm not interested in Alan, okay?" she reassured him. "I'd already decided to have a talk with him this weekend making my feelings clear. I don't know what he wants for sure, but I know what I don't want. I just didn't think it was the kind of conversation to have over the phone, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I can see your point," Lee conceded. "I don't have to like it though," he muttered under his breath, causing Amanda to shake her head at him. He glanced up just then, catching her action and grinned unrepentantly. "So where does that leave us?" he questioned, catching her completely off guard.

Her startled eyes met his and she swallowed rather nervously. "Where do you want it to leave us?" she questioned hesitantly. Afraid to hope, afraid to believe that he was saying what she thought he was.

"Amanda," he spoke her name softly, gently in a way that sent little chills running through her. "I think I'd like to spend more time with you, getting to know you better, allowing you to know me better." His expression was so serious and yet gentle. He reached out, using his fingers to push a stray strand of hair out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear, before allowing his hand to caress the side of her face.

"I find, Amanda King, that I am rather attracted to you," he told her. "I'm not asking for anything exclusive or heavy," he assured her shrugging, slightly embarrassed. It was much easier to just kiss a girl and take her to bed than to court one. "But if I should ask you out again sometime, would that be okay with you?"

Amanda's eyes took on an almost luminous glow as she smiled up at him. Reaching over, she caressed his hand where it lay against the seat. "Yeah," she concurred softly. "That would be more than okay with me."

They just sat there for the longest time, gazing into each others eyes. Neither one wanted to break the spell. Finally, Lee moved his hand, catching hers and lifting it toward his lips where he gave her fingers a very tender kiss. "To new beginnings," he murmured softly.

Amanda smiled warmly, tilting her head slightly and letting her happiness sparkle in her eyes. "To new beginnings," she agreed with a small nod.

Giving her fingers another tender kiss, Lee returned her hand. He removed his keys from the ignition and opened his door, never once removing his eyes from her face. "Shall we?" He smiled, tipping his head toward her house.

He walked around the car and gave her a hand out, then placing his hand on her back, he steered her in the direction of her back yard. "I had a great time tonight, Amanda," he told her rather formally as if he were a teenager returning his date to her parents. Amanda smiled, playing along.

"Well, thank you for inviting me, Lee. I had a gr . . . a rather interesting time as well." She had started to say 'a great time as well', but then the events of the evening danced through her mind and she ended up laughing and changing her wording. "I can't remember when I've had such an . . . adventurous date. You sure know how to show a girl a good time, Mr. Stetson!" They had reached the edge of the service porch by now. While the porch lights had been turned on, the house was entirely dark inside which meant that everyone was already in bed.

Lee found himself chuckling at the reminder of the events as well. "I guess it has been a rather unusual evening at that, Mrs. King," he told her. "But I'm afraid I can't take all the credit. None of my previous dates has ever had your knack for landing in . . . dare I say trouble?" he winked to let her know he was only teasing.

Amanda laughed. "Funny, it usually seems to only happen when I'm in your company," she teased back, glancing down at her destroyed clothing. "You know I've ruined more clothes in the two years I've known you than in all the other years put together!" Her blouse and skirt were soiled with dirt and oil from her time under the car, while the edges of the wine spot could still be seen and there was a small hole in her blouse where her corsage had once been pinned. It must have been pulled off or fallen off sometime during the evening.

"If nothing else, a girl would never be bored in your company," she grinned at him. Reaching out to open the back door, she continued to eye the man before her. Their laughter had wound down and now they were just standing there watching each other somewhat awkwardly, neither knowing quite how to end the evening. Tilting her head to the side, Amanda raised her eyebrows a bit and flexed her lips in a small smile. "Well, I'd better get inside before Mother wakes up and decides to come check on me," she told him with a shrug. "I don't think I could explain the condition of my clothes to her satisfaction," she almost whispered.

"Yeah," Lee agreed with a shrug of his own, watching for a moment as she turned toward the door. He also turned to head back to his car. They hesitated a moment, before looking at each other once again. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night," they both spoke at the same time, and then smiled at each other. "Tomorrow."

"Good night." Again, they spoke in unison, this time smiling to themselves as they parted company, Amanda quietly letting herself into the house, Lee making his way back to his car with a jaunty spring in his step.

The End

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